Ds lost money online - what (if anything) should I do?

[BewareTheBeardedDragon]

Ds13 was playing with a 'friend' online on a game where you work to earn in game coins, and use them to buy things in the game. He had spent several weeks working to get one particular armour, and his 'friend' asked to try the armour out, then refused to give it back and blocked ds.
You can also buy the coins using real money and to replace this armour would cost £35.

Ds is devastated - crying all evening, and just really upset that his friend would do this to him. He's very upset about how long it would take him to re-earn the in game coins, or to save his pocket money.

Should I help him with the money? Or leave him to learn a lesson from it? I'm at a loss - I hate to see him like this, but equally he does have a bit of a tendency to expect money for nothing from me.

I would ask him if he’s learned a lesson about not over trusting. Get him to explain what that lesson is and if is right you say you will give him money but only this once.

I would consider messaging parents to let them know but DS may not want you to do that. Otherwise I would have a strong word with him about not handing stuff over & help him out with the cost.

I'd meet him half way. So let him earn half the coins again and pay for the remainder o he has enough to buy the armour ...... Having to work to get it back is a much better lesson than just buying back what he's lost.

Is he a friend or just an online person he doesn't know?

If real, contact the parents ?

I would message the game’s in app support. He might not get the item back, but it’s worth doing so to get the scammer banned

Hang on, he didn't lose it, it was stolen from him by someone he trusted. I think in this instance I would check he won't be so trusting again, and buy it, if you can afford to. He's done all the hard work and he wasn't careless, he was naive.

Equivalent of making granny earn her £5000 back after the doorstep scammer convinced her she needed a new roof. They are victims.

This has happened to my DD2 when she was 9. They were supposed to swap equally good premium items (hers she had bought with money she'd been given by my mother for Summer holiday spending) and the other person sent something generic instead and logged out. She was extremely upset for a few days but we talked it over and life lesson learned.

It's horrible, and their first experience of being scammed and what theft is. I'd encourage him to re-earn it in-game, or maybe match 50% of the cost if he earns half. That's what I did.

@HoneysuckIejasmine

But Granny would have to find another five thousand pounds if she was scammed. People aren't wandering around with pockets full of cash to bail out the scammed. Often the money is lost for good.

Yes Granny and the OP's son are victims. But the money is gone for good nonetheless.

No you should help him learn how to hack said friend and at the same time teach how these skills are only used in a ‘Robin Hood’ kind of way.
Alternatively it is a right of passage, he was naive and he got burnt. In all the ways it could have happened it is probably one of the least damaging overall.

Definitely contact the parents. But if they can't get it back offer to pay for a replacement, perhaps for a couple of little jobs around the house. But I suspect the real upset isn't so much about the item as the loss of a friendship and the feeling of betrayal by someone your child trusted

Thanks all. It is a real life person whose parent I have met but I don't think ds would want me to message his dad.

We have spoken about exactly how it happened and how he could stop it happening again.

It's not the first time he's been scammed unfortunately but the other time it was an Internet random and he did learn from that one.

The trouble is ds struggles massively socially and desperately wants to have friends to hang out with. I don't think this boy has been very nice to him, and it seems he has been coercing ds for some time, threatening to throw him out of the group if he didn't do xyz and encouraging others to tease ds, and ds doesn't do anything because he is lonely. Lockdown has made this so much harder.

Anyway - I think I will go with him earning half the coins (or pocket money) and me matching that, so he can get the armour again.

On the circumstances you describe I'd have bought the armour already I should think. Followed by a talk about how we don't 'lend' anything to online 'friends'

Apparently he had been lending the boys things for some time and getting them back again - to show that the boy could be trusted. It seems like this may have been quite calculated and planned over some time by the other boy. It's just horrible.

@BewareTheBeardedDragon

Apparently he had been lending the boys things for some time and getting them back again - to show that the boy could be trusted. It seems like this may have been quite calculated and planned over some time by the other boy. It's just horrible.

Are all his friends in on the scam? That's just cruel. My heart goes out to your son. I'd buy him the armour based on this update.

OP, I know you probably don't want to contact the other boy's parent, but I really think you should. If that were my child, I'd definitely want to know what he was up to and make sure he paid the consequences.

I hope your son is OK

This doesn't sound like a good friend, does it?
There's a good book that you might like to read with your son- Bullies, Bigmouths, and So-called Friends by J Alexander, that will give him strategies to handle this type of 'friend'.
This is a really valuable learning opportunity for him, though I know he will be hurting from it.

Some kids are just complete little shits. I definitely wouldn’t contact the parents as you could cause more hassle for your son, unfortunately.

Your son will probably be feeling angry, hurt, upset and a bit embarrassed that it’s happened so I think he’s probably suffered enough. I’d give him the money but make sure he’s learnt a lesson from it. I hope he’s ok.

I would definitely contact the other boy's parents, whether or not your son wants you to. That behaviour is not acceptable and if they are decent parents they will want to know.
As for replacing what he lost, if he earned it through playing the game I wouldn't replace it, because surely playing the game is a hobby and supposed to be fun and enjoyable? It's not like he has a job and earned it.

He's being bullied within a so called friendship group. The armour is a side issue. Helping him with half the cost should come with the caveat of contacting the other boys parents.

Thank you - lots of good advice and lots to think about. I have order the book upthread, and another one as well.