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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Any concerns about schools reopening

21 replies

whataboutbob · 23/02/2021 14:24

My concerns are not about Covid and infections. I’m worried about how this year of lockdown has affected our kids and I suspect various skills have been eroded such as social skills, self-confidence, studying routine and concentration. My DS14 especially has regressed in many ways. He’s struggled enormously with online learning. He has fallen behind spectacularly, from being in top sets at a grammar school ( and loving school) to barely being able to concentrate in lessons, not turning camera on due to self consciousness, being distracted by his phone, etc. We’ve been told he’s moving down to bottom set in maths .
I don’t believe he’ll waltz back in to school on the 8 th of March and everything will be ok. He’s told me he’s concerned about how much he’s fallen behind, but my advice to do his homework, concentrate in lessons, turn his camera on etc is largely ignored. I have had to pull back a bit because things have escalated quickly into anger and shouting if I get too directive.

I’m wondering how to support him with the return to school?

OP posts:
Snowymcsnowsony · 23/02/2021 14:26

Not sure how my dd will cope. Her head of year is still in ICU..
A mind boggling reminder of Covid...

noblegiraffe · 23/02/2021 14:30

How was he when went he went back to school in September?

Original poster
whataboutbob · 23/02/2021 14:37

@noblegiraffe that’s a good question, he was not back to how he was prior to covid, there were some “ psychosomatic days” where he claimed stomach pains and didn’t go to school. Which is another thing that makes me think it’s not going to be smooth sailing.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 23/02/2021 15:16

Stomach pains sounds like anxiety - it must be difficult for a boy who has previously been a high-flier to suddenly be finding things hard because he hasn't been doing the work (and possibly getting in trouble for not doing the work).

Once they've started falling behind, it can seem like an insurmountable problem. He might need a bit more structured support in catching up. Is there someone at the school who could talk to him about it? Sometimes they're more willing to talk with someone who isn't mum. I would certainly contact the school to ask for their advice and to flag up that he is struggling.

Could you hire a maths tutor to help him get back into the swing of things there? Moving to bottom set would probably have been a big dent to his self-esteem. It's one thing to think that you're falling behind and another to have it confirmed so drastically.

Original poster
whataboutbob · 23/02/2021 19:10

Yes, I think it’s hard for him to admit to struggling. I have lined up a maths tutor which he denies needing now, but won’t hesitate to encourage him to accept the help if he continues to struggle. We’ve been liaising with the school who during this second lockdown have been very supportive and readjusted what they expect from the kids who are struggling, they’ve also offered counselling which he’s refused but he has spoken with the GP about his low mood. I think I will contact them specifically about fears about his attainment ( mine but more importantly his fears). Thanks for your suggestions.

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wingsandstrings · 28/02/2021 18:25

yes, I am in large part excited about the schools going back because my DC are delighted and it'll make my life easier. However there has been something rather protective about them being home - knowing where they are, and less school drama (possibly it's being played out now on social media or big group chats which my youngest is not allowed, so she is oblivious). I think it'll be weird to go back into school and renegotiate friendships, some will have changed over lockdown.

carolinesbaby · 28/02/2021 19:25

Yes, I'm worried.

My year 7 DD missed the last half of primary school and all the transition and end of primary events that usually entails. No 'goodbye'. She has started secondary school in a new village with none of her old friends, and has struggled (partly due to social distancing) to make new friends. She spends way too much time on her own in her bedroom when she should be forming those relationships which taken young people through their teen years.
I'm not worried about Covid, I am worried about her social skills and friendships.

carolinesbaby · 28/02/2021 19:25

*the last half of the last year of primary school

Original poster
whataboutbob · 28/02/2021 19:59

I must admit I’ve become blasé about Covid. I obey the rules but don’t live in fear of contracting it, as I did in 1st lockdown. I think in part because Freud’s have had it and for them it wasn’t much worse than a cold. False sense of security no doubt. I am worried about the loss of social skills, and a as has been said, re negotiating friendships and coping with all this while having reduced social skills after months of living in a weird mix of isolation, but online.

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NosyJosie · 28/02/2021 23:36

My year 9 son is refusing to go back because his entire friend group have fallen out with eachother over social media and it’s like a ticking bomb. No idea how I’ll tackle this.

frostymornings · 28/02/2021 23:43

@Reachersloveinterest

Yes, I'm worried.

My year 7 DD missed the last half of primary school and all the transition and end of primary events that usually entails. No 'goodbye'. She has started secondary school in a new village with none of her old friends, and has struggled (partly due to social distancing) to make new friends. She spends way too much time on her own in her bedroom when she should be forming those relationships which taken young people through their teen years.
I'm not worried about Covid, I am worried about her social skills and friendships.

I feel exactly the same way about my Yr 7 DS. He wasn't there long enough to form solid friendships. I'm worried he'll be on his own at break and lunchtimes Sad
Original poster
whataboutbob · 01/03/2021 14:59

@NosyJosie that sounds tricky. Can the school intervene to try and smooth the way? I think they know how hard this has been. DS has admitted he feels a pressure to be online all the time so as not to be left behind. @frostymornings if it’s any help at all, DS1 didn’t find his feet socially until well into year 8. It’s hi are to witness as a parent but there’s not much one can do except be supportive. DS2 thinks it’ll all be five as soon as he gets back, but I’m sceptical. I think he’ll be exhausted physically and mentally. He’s lost muscle strength, his sleep
is poor, his concentration is poor, he’s not used to being around big groups etc etc.

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NosyJosie · 01/03/2021 15:18

@whataboutbob they do weekly surveys of well-being and I’ve told him to be brutally honest but there are some things going on/brewing (not just with him, other children - a few of the girls are out of control and literally feuding) that I felt they needed to be away of so I have informed his head of year.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 01/03/2021 15:24

My dd has had awful anxiety over Teams if it’s any help. She won’t turn her microphone on, or converse in anyway unless it’s via the chat bar. She got so bad l had to contact the school. She told me everyone hates answering questions on Teams as it’s too embarrassing.

I’m a secondary school teacher, it’s appalling the school want to move your son due to his input on Teams. It sounds like he’s struggling with Teams not learning. All kids are confused and lost. Some don’t even turn up. You need to fight this with the school.

Original poster
whataboutbob · 01/03/2021 18:02

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow he hates Teams too and is going through a phase of hating his looks and low self esteem and can’t bear to put the camera on. He’s having a counselling session Wednesday via the school. Putting him down 2 sets in maths is also based on an assessment he had before lockdown, but him not always going along with the maths teachers demands to turn the camera on isn’t helping his cause.

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ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 01/03/2021 18:21

Dd says lots of her friends won’t have the mic on, or won’t have the camera in. And really adolescence is a time of self esteem issues, it’s no great suprise. Schools should be more sensitive to this.

FredSoftly · 01/03/2021 18:28

DD's comp don't allow cameras/mics on - even the teachers don't show their faces.

I have no worries about them re-opening - DD is desperate to go back. Best wishes to all those whose DC are anxious. Schools shouldn't have been shut for this long.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 01/03/2021 18:35

The teachers don’t at DD’s. Kids are muted unless they are answering questions. But Dd couldn’t even cope with that.

Tal45 · 01/03/2021 18:42

I agree with others that having the camera on shouldn't be required. Only the teacher has the camera on in my sons (Yr 10) lessons. They don't tend to ever have the mic on either, tend to answer in the chat bar. I think the school have not really thought through what's going to work best for the kids as the are likely to be self conscious at this age, even adults are often uncomfortable sat looking at themselves all day - it's not natural!

ooherrmissus14 · 01/03/2021 18:56

My daughter (yr7) has developed severe vocal and physical ticks over the last few weeks which pretty much came from nowhere. I've gone from being desperate for her to go back to absolutely dreading it. God knows what the social impact of her ticking in the classroom will be ☹️

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