15 year old son moved out update

[Sadless]

So hes now 16 hardly attends school I spoke to school about it and they said they would speak to his carer about it and he has been in this week. He said it makes her look bad if he doesn't go. He rung me up on Tuesday and told me that he had told the school about the amount of drink and drugs apparently every night. He told me that he has been sent alot of times to pick up drugs for the mother (cannabis). He says she take 3 times the normal dose of tramdol a day, sleeping tablets and is drinking every night.
He says the mothers boyfriends parents are saying she's sleeping with my son.
Apparently she leaves the youngest child with him saying she needs her own time that's when he's been staying off school.

It seems a bit messy now social worker said he would be safe there.

Sal

If he’s telling you all that information it sounds as if he can’t be happy there. Did you ask if he would rather come back home?

Have you now told the social worker that he’s being used to collect drugs & provide childcare?

So sorry, it sounds a very sad situation

His social worker rang me 2 days after he turned 16 and said that the case was basically closed now so he doesn't have a social worker now.
He rang me because he had been at school and his key worker he's at a pru said that he had a email off the mother saying he's being very disrespectful and when he left school he rung his mate who he lives with. He said that his mother was going to him my son a last warning that night. So he's rung me telling me stuff but also told a teacher about the late nights and about they smoking weed all the time.
I didn't know they even smoked but he said they use to hide it now they sit on settee doing it. Apparently she's no tramadol for a prolapse and waiting for a operation.
He wanted to live with them because they didn't do any lockdown or social distancing. In the last few weeks they have now decided that the kids are not allowed to go out. He was perfectly fine before the new rules came in.
He is not allowed to see his girlfriend but is allowed into an 80 year old womans house to do jobs plus go asda almost everyday.
He said the school was reporting the drugs to the social services.

I don't know what to do

Sal

If the mother is going to give him a last warning then, hopefully, he won’t be living with them much longer. Maybe with the school reporting to SS they will reopen his case. All you can do is keep communicating, telling him you miss him and hope he turns things around and comes home.

I hope someone with some experience comes along with some solid advice for you soon.

I don't think he likes rules and they didn't have any till recently that's causing problems now. He basically said if she throws him out he was grass over her for every thing. I think he means drugs and working while claiming benefits while boyfriend living there. Don't know what else there is but it seems when he's not happy about something he does tell alot then doesn't when it's fine there.
Sal

@Sadless So sorry to hear that you are going through this - it sounds to me like weed is the cause of a lot of his issues - I say this as an ex weed smoker (very controlled when I was young) and as the Mother of a son who ended up being sectioned with drug induced psychosis - it’s fine if you have respect for it but the strains that are smoked these days are strong and suck all motivation and sense of self out of some youngsters - they live life in a bubble.

As one poster has said, however tough it gets keep the lines of communication open and let him know he can visit yours but only if he is not using when at your house - the adults he is currently spending time around sound like they have too many issues of their own to be responsibly engaging with and guiding your son in the right direction. He needs consistency. It sounds toxic like they have lost control and are now panicking.

I’m sorry to say this OP but I would not trust SS as far as I could throw them - some Social Workers are superb but a lot are not fit for purpose (I have so many stories I could tell you from working 14 years in a secondary school, personal experience and a particularly horrendous experience of a work colleague but I won’t as someone in Social Services will come onto the thread and accuse me of being unfair, misleading etc) - if you can access some family counselling, then great but they are struggling massively at the moment because of Covid and your son won’t be a priority because of his age.

It is so hard because you probably feel so powerless - you need to keep in regular contact and monitor what is going on - just always be there for him - go online and access as much advice as you can around cannabis use, mental health etc - when things start opening up in the Spring, go out for coffees, food with him - I feel your pain OP - my DD23 is now coming out the other end of this - I’ve had issues with all 3 of my kids in their teens as I was in a violent relationship - stay strong, with love and support, they eventually wake up and please take care of yourself xx

I don't think he is drinking and smoking but don't really know. They have started let the kids out again so he can go she his girlfriend while the mother goes to have her nails and feet done at a friend's. Suppose cant have the children stay in if parents won't.
He said some mornings there is no electricity and they ask her for money to go shop and if she's not got any they have to wait for her boyfriend to finish work. Last dad he said they where both drunk and arguing about sex. He also said that once the social worker came and asked is that weed I can't smell and they blamed it on the neighbours. Then apparently they did a crb check on them both and they failed it. But the results only came back after he turned 16.
He says she spends about £160 on weed a week and still hasn't claimed benefits for him because she cant be arsed.
My husband wants me to ring social tomorrow and tell them.

Sal