Dh spends more time with easiest ds

[Stovetopespresso]

dh told me the reason dd12 is on strike (in her room, avoidance etc) is that I am "in her face" all the time - I try to engage her in conv, try and have fun, find her stuff to do, have organised for her to walk weekly with a friend. and another outdoor activity, a pony loan . I was offended and said maybe he could be the one 'in her face' for the next few days. he has found it very difficult! he never spends any quality time with her and it was nice seeing him make an effort to talk to her over dinner after having been the one to make sure she completed a school task.

But this has made dh have a wobble and when I went further and pointed out (the next day) how much he does with ds14 who is similar to him in personality/interests compared to ds10 let alone dd12, he ended up getting grumpy and shouting at the kids (dd10 for not getting in pjs and ds14 for being annoying, dd12 wpuld have heard it all).
Apparently it was my fault, I did get him to open up about it, for making him feel shit about dd12. i told him losing his temper and using his booming voice is unacceptable. But still, am I making a big deal out of this, is it in the family's interests to carry on like this? am I barking up the wrong tree? do dads and daughters matter? is this an example of male entitlement?

we can move on from this but I woyld love other peoples experiences and views.

You’ve already posted this.

Yeah it's not ok for a parent to choose to leave parenting one or two children to the other parent because they are harder

Father daughter relationships are in my opinion massively important. As are all parent child relationships.

I'm someone who missed out massively on a decent relationship with my father. He's alright. We get on. But we speak only a few times a year. Hes totally emotionally closed off and the only time I've ever seen him cry was at my uncles funeral. We don't speak about awkward topics or emotional stuff. Hes never apologised for breaking up our family or the DV. It always felt like something was greatly missing from my upbringing and I feel like it massively affected my confidence. If your Dad doesn't love you and think you are worth his time, why would you be worth anyone else's time.

When I was a teacher, I worked with a lovely senior leader. I taught his daughter (he also had another daughter and son). He had and still has the most wonderful relationship with his daughters. Protective, taking an interest, open and honest, fun... it seemed so key to their confidence and believing they really could go for whatever they wanted in life.

The teenage years are delicate. Your OH should be making an effort with ALL of them equally.