Please help - right punishment?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Had a lot of problems with dd (nearly 14) recently. Rudeness, swearing, attitude, refusing to do as she's asked etc.

She is diagnosed ASD and has sensory issues which we try to be sensitive to.

I've tried to avoid punishments as I don't think they work with her and just creates bad feeling. I've been picking my battles and reinforcing the good stuff.

However this evening I heard her say 'fucking liar' which I think was directed to either me or dh for not shutting the door (she has a thing about doors being closed).

So I have now confiscated her phone and laptop. I have no idea where to go from here especially as she needs them back for schoolwork tomorrow (if not tonight).

I'm a parent of teens one of whom has ASD. It sounds like she crossed a line for you and you reacted. Is it the swearword or that she called you/your DH a liar the problem for you? Either way I'd sit down with her and have a conversation about it (maybe tonight as you give the stuff back?) and hopefully give her a more manageable outlet for her frustration. Just try to keep lines of communication open and stay calm.

Keep them for two hours and say she can have them back after a discussion and apology

I’ve given them back, she needs them for school. She says her friends swear and they’re just words. I’m liable to the odd fuck as we all are I suppose. She’s the youngest of 3 and feels unfairly treated.