DS13 is really low - how can I help?

[pottedplantturningbrown]

DS and me have had a long chat today. He is really tearful. Finding lockdown monotonous, feeling like his friends from school haven't really bothered.

What's making it all much worse is there was an incident over the summer where DS felt he was at risk of being stabbed by a local boy. The boy was expelled from school some years ago for threatening to stab someone else so I can understand why DS is scared. We couldn't do anything with the police as it was all hearsay and no one would actually confirm that had heard the boy say directly that he wanted to stab DS.

Since then, DS is too scared to go out in our local area. Won't even go out for a walk with me and the dog.

And now lockdown means he is totally housebound and he has expressed that he feels life is pointless.

What can I do? I'm going to try to get him to come to a drive through takeaway to at least get him out of the house. Any other ideas?! I'm completely out of my depth

Anyone?

That’s a tough one. There’s another thread that many of us have contributed to about teens that are really struggling with the pointlessness at the moment and a few ideas (and lots of sympathy) on there. The stabbing thing though does give you extra issues, although many teens aren’t leaving their bedrooms, let alone their houses or gardens either.
I have no real suggestions except, I would concentrate on building his confidence at home where he feels safe, and slowly and carefully chip away at the threat this boy really poses (sounds like a wee gobshite). I would encourage all and every online contact with any friends or family you can rustle up. Let him play and FaceTime etc all he wants. I’d speak to the school and ask for encouraging emails to help boost confidence. I’d get him a trampoline for exercise, or weights (getting bigger and stronger might help?), and I’d do things like family films, takeaways, cooking? Etc.
It’s a difficult time, he will get through it and if he sees you have confidence in him getting through it it will help.

You have to get him out of his bedroom, doing things that are "productive" (cooking a meal, planting a houseplant, whatever) and get him out of the house. It's pretty standard adult mental health stuff and applies to teenagers too. If he has friends he can get in touch with that should be encouraged (if you know any of their parents a delicate conversation asking them to encourage their child to be in touch too might be worthwhile- as long as it won't be passed on that you've asked for it). Maybe a teenage quiz night/similar - at 13 they still need help with this stuff.

It's incredibly challenging at the moment. I work with teenagers with MH issues and Covid is decimating their lives.

Also have a look on Facebook or your local council website for family support groups for teenagers with MH problems. They'll have lots of ideas, friendly online events etc

Thank you both. I think I have just found the other thread referred to so I will try that. He has agreed to come out in the car with me tomorrow to get takeaway coffee and breakfast so that's a start.

My daughter seems to just want to spend her life on the living room sofa playing on her iPad these days 🤦‍♀️ (although most of the time she's on FaceTime with her best friend and they both laze around playing games until midnight).

So I have staged an intervention of sorts and "loaned" a horse for a month, which will hopefully get her out of the house into the fresh air and get her to do some mucking out etc (as well as some riding). She has to be at the stable 6 times a week.

It's unusual I know, but I'm willing to pay for a horse just to get her to move off the sofa!

Is there anything he might enjoy that's not forbidden at the moment? When at home, I try to have some nice cosy Netflix a tea ☕️ with her to do something together

Netflix and tea*

Move house?