Friendship worries

[MrsRusselBrand]

My DD is 13 , almost 14 and In year 9. Since the start of high school she had a few wider friends but a close friendship with one girl in particular. A new girl joined the school and made a beeline for this girl and now my DD is out in the cold sadly . This new girl doesn't like my DD for some reason , and she now has very limited contact with her previous BF. She is in touch with the wider group of friends and does chat with them sometimes , but she just misses her BF. I feel so sorry for her but am a firm believer that this is one of life's lessons and I can't get involved and just have to support her . I know this Is all compounded by lockdown and lack of contact , and I just feel it will get worse .
I have told her to reach out to her friend and be the bigger person but she just gets one word texts back , and lots of tagging the new friend on social media . It all sounds very trivial and petty and there hasn't even been a big fall out - I think it's more just the new girl not liking my DD and being very influential and a very loud and big character

I guess I am just asking what can I say to DD to help her through this ?

That's a difficult situation and of course your dd's feeling are hurt. It's a bit annoying that her best friend has been so easily swayed. I have younger dc but we have a similar situation with dd2 (9) so will watch with interest.

It's incredible to witness girls's friendship behaviours. There is a lot of power games and relational aggression. It's most difficult for the 'kind' girls.

All I can think of is to try and build up your dd's confidence but how i'm not so sure.

please ignore the rougue s

Normally I'd be suggesting getting her to do as many after school activities and activities out of school as possible but Covid has made things so much more difficult for teens hasn't it.

In ordinary times this might have all blown over in a week.

Is there another girl in the group that she's friendly with? Do you think she could message her?

Do you think she'd be willing to have a go at this book too?

I think I would try and get her more involved with the bigger group. Could she start an online game or something and invite some others? My slightly older dd is playing Among Us with a group of people. She's also in a group playing Minecraft together. Not many options with lockdown sadly. It's a harsh lesson though, but happens to many of them at one time or another. There's little you can do if the bf wants to move on.

Watching with interest too
My dd2 age 15 nearly 16 a boy in her school turned her best friend against her this has gone on from about October and now in lockdown the bf does contact her sometimes and says we will get back to normal but just not yet.
Teenage girls do move about friends

I think this is where the relationship advice to not indulge in the "pick me" dance is also valid.

Her friend may become close again or she may not, but the best thing for her self esteem will be to be civil and move on.

I remember it well. I had a "best" friend who had a tendency to gravitate towards novelty - we're still good friends now 30 odd years later, but I've had many better friends since.

I also have a tendency to have one good friend and to be honest, it's probably healthier not to be like that.