Self-harming

[MenoHiccup]

I've just learned that my 18yo dd has begin to self-harm. She's having counselling for anxiety and disclosed this to the counsellor, and they brought me in at the end of the session so that I would be aware. (It's via Teams.) School are aware that she is struggling.

How can I help dd?

I'm so sorry. I've been there and it's hard. I know I wouldn't have liked it if my mum took everything away and made me stop so I wouldn't do that personally.
Tell her you're always there for her and make sure she knows that presence is there.
I would also make sure antibacterial wipes/savlon/sudocrem/plasters are out and available - her doing it safely is very important. I was lucky, I never got an infection, and I'd use used pencil sharpeners!
My heart goes out to you, I know it's hard. Remember it's not your fault x

First of all, big hugs-my daughter did this for some time and it is so very very hard to know what is the right thing to do. Every situation is individual-you will get perspectives from people who have self harmed, parents who have children who self harm. I think you have to follow your intuition a bit.
In my situation I felt my daughter had become really disconnected from the family and we had to work really hard to try and build a strong sense of support around her-over time she had just taken herself away from us emotionally. She self harmed for about a year, regularly cutting and leaving quite significant scars.I made sure she knew she shd feel no shame and told her she cd lean on me even if it meant me hearing things that might break my heart. And it did break my heart. But I told her I was strong enough and cd carry or share any worries. Sometimes we just sat together and said nothing and just held hands. She got counselling albeit that took ages to access and by that time she had stopped self harming. She has been very angry about lots of things including her relationship with me. In all honesty I think there was a point where nothing I could do was right-she was going to hate me just because that's where her head was. I read a lot of books to try and help me understand the situation. I didn't tell the wider family what she was doing because it was so private to her but I did tell them that we were in a difficult situation and they really really helped. Close friends too. We r in a much better place now. I don't know if that helps but hope things improve xx

Just discovered my 12 year old is the same as her sleeve slipped up and she has sliced all up her arm. 😭
She's 12.

I'm so sorry for everyone who is going through this. I wd recommend listening to Gabor Mate - he talks with such wisdom about the connection between children and their parents. I found his thinking hugely helpful and it was pretty fundamental to helping me support my daughter as best I cd. She's not out of the woods yet and she still has a lot of growing up to do but we're def seeing glimpses of positivity there.
At a practical level I wd say seek support yourself- whether it is through an online forum, trusted friends, etc. U will need to feel strong in order to give support.

I have a 16yo going through this for the past few months as well. I haven't taken away the used pencil sharpeners that she is also using, but I think I will emphasise the cleanliness more.

My DD (18) is doing this too. She has ASD and the general anxiety of life plus going away to university in Covid times is taking its toll. She absolutely will not talk about it except a couple of times after a few drinks too many where she yelled at me for not noticing and not helping.
So she wants help but I'm not sure how to get her that help so will watch this thread closely.

I did download Calm and Headspace apps for her as well as buy Rescue Remedy and Kalms to try and get her to manage the general anxiety better, she could probably use professional help but I have no way of making her seek out that help.

I'm sorry you're going through this too
OP.