Father sleeping in bed with 14year old son

[PMUM3659]

I’ve been separated from the father of my son for 10 years. Recently he has moved into a property with a friend after having moved back area I live with my son. He is living in a small flat with a loft room. My son goes there every other weekend and one day in the week. there is another man that lives in the flat . my son doesn’t have his own room and has to not only share his bedroom with his dad but they also share a bed. I’m pretty unhappy about the situation. I’m increasingly worried about my exes volatile behaviour he’s often harasses me and he is very controlling and manipulative. I’m getting to the point now where I can’t sit back and ignore the fact that this isn’t inappropriate living arrangement for my son. He is 14 years old now and really needs space for himself. Don’t really know what to do next given the current situation making it difficult to deal with this via the courts. I already have a contact order for my son which my ex regularly flouts. Again it’s very hard to in current climate to get the order enforced.

Would be grateful if anyone has any advice or any views on the inappropriateness of this arrangement?

No advice OP as I haven’t experienced this situation before, hopefully someone will be along soon with some information

Your son is 14, what does he say?

If he is unhappy with the arrangement tell him he doesn’t need to stay overnight, and let your ex take you to court.

If he’s ok with it, then up to him as long as you don’t think there’s any actual risk. In which case you should be calling social services and stopping contact.

It's very inappropriate, a 14 year old boy needs his own space and certainly his own bed for all sorts of obvious reasons.
I am surprised his father doesn't realise this.
I think I would try and stop the overnight stays

I think it all depends on what your son thinks. If he wants to stay overnight with his dad despite the space then that’s different to him feeling very uncomfortable with the situation. Do you think he would tell you how he feels or would he be scared of letting his dad down?

@Nowayhozay

It's very inappropriate, a 14 year old boy needs his own space and certainly his own bed for all sorts of obvious reasons. I am surprised his father doesn't realise this. I think I would try and stop the overnight stays

It's one night a week.

Teenager or not he can 'do without' one night a week 🙄

If he's harassing you, either just ignore him or report him to the police.

Your son is 14, contact us really just what HE wants now.

@PMUM3659

You need to separate out the issues. There's no problem with him sharing a bed with his Dad, if he's happy to. If he's not happy he can sleep on the sofa or come home.

I don’t see a major problem with sleeping one or two nights a week in w his dad if he’s happy to do so. If it’s a big bed like king size then there’s plenty of room.

I agree with you OP that it is not appropriate. Not sure other than him not going there and then seeing your exH in court to suggest.

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants
"It's one night a week.

Teenager or not he can 'do without' one night a week 🙄"

Perhaps a little naive to assume that a teenage boy would have any conscious control over his nocturnal habits.

If your son is uncomfortable could he go with a sleeping bag and roll out soft thick mat to sleep on the floor with?

@Cuddling57

If your son is uncomfortable could he go with a sleeping bag and roll out soft thick mat to sleep on the floor with?

Do you really think he has a wet dream every night, or if you’re talking about erections does it matter ?

@Northernparent68 I was talking about neither.
Those things weren't even a consideration in my response.
I'm a women so I have no experience of that 🤷‍♀️.
I was merely offering a practical solution to someone sharing a bed if they didn't want to.
Could be applied to a male or female child, teenager, someone in their 20s, 30s, 40s ....

I have two teen boys aged 13 and nearly 16. I wouldn't think twice about them sleeping in the same bed as my DH if circumstances necessitated it.

I think your view is clouded by your relationship with your exH

Can't see the problem here. Not a great long term solution but as a stop-gap...?

Would you think there was something wrong with a mother sharing a bed with her 14 year old daughter?

The only thing that really matters is what your son thinks of sharing. It's one night a week so having his own space there is irrelevant. If he's uncomfortable, then as a pp says, a sleeping bag and mat solves the problem. What does your son say?