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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

16 year old demanding to go tomorrow to see his friend...

23 replies

Dickorydockwhatthe · 06/01/2021 16:03

He's banging his furniture around because I've said no. He's now refusing to do his school work and threatening to climb out the window tomorrow. I'm working all day tomorrow and dh is trying to work from home I really dont need this teenage drama but I can't physically retrain him from going out. He's so selfish.

OP posts:
Orangeblossom77777 · 06/01/2021 16:05

They can meet outside can't they, would be OK. Cold though. At 16 his school work is his responsibility if he doesn't get it done?

Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 06/01/2021 16:23

I know but I can't trust him to stay outside that's the thing. If that's the case he won't do anything. He does have learning difficulties so he struggles academically and we have started the process for a EHCP so I'm at my wits end with all to be honest as he doesn't see the point now exams have been cancelled.

OP posts:
Orangeblossom77777 · 06/01/2021 16:54

That sounds difficult. Sorry not much more advice really except maybe the other teens family might help perhaps - send him back to you. Kind thoughts it's a difficult time for them

ekidmxcl · 06/01/2021 17:01

  1. it’s legal for him and a friend to walk around a park as exercise so long as it’s just the 2 of them

  2. schoolwork matters more than ever. Teachers will assess work done this term to get to a grade. Don’t do it and you’ll end up with a seriously poor grade.

rookiemere · 06/01/2021 17:20

Can you speak to the other family? If they can be trusted to stay outside it's good for him to have some company for some of the time and gives you a bit of leverage to get him to do school work

Theunamedcat · 06/01/2021 17:22

Schoolwork first outside only if he sneaks off you will call the police on him (and mean it)

LaurieFairyCake · 06/01/2021 17:24

He's 16 and legally culpable for his own actions - so point that out to him - that he could be stopped and fined

What IS within your control is the fact the front door locks both ways - so point that out to him too

That you're trying to reduce risk and don't want to live with someone who could bring Covid back/breaks the law (as it is law now)

Tenyearsgone · 06/01/2021 17:24

@Theunamedcat

Schoolwork first outside only if he sneaks off you will call the police on him (and mean it)
Call the police on your own son because he went out?
Theunamedcat · 06/01/2021 17:28

Because he snuck out tantrums are for babies consequences are for older children who should know better

Oblomov20 · 06/01/2021 17:30

If you are struggling and he can't see the point atm, all the more reason to let him go, so long as he promises to remain outdoors?

Biscuitsneeded · 06/01/2021 17:31

Tell him works 9am - 2pm and he can have the last two hours of daylight to see his friend outdoors for a walk, run or bike ride. Mine has just gone 'for a bike ride' (smelling of aftershave, so cherchez la femme) but he knows he has to stay outdoors and keep 2m apart. I think he will.

Bluntness100 · 06/01/2021 17:34

Op. Do you know his friend and their parents? They may have no option but to meet outside.

Tenyearsgone · 06/01/2021 17:35

@Theunamedcat

Because he snuck out tantrums are for babies consequences are for older children who should know better
You think the police will be interested in a 16 year old sneaking out? The last time I looked we were actually allowed to leave our houses and meet one other person outdoors.
JustDanceAddict · 06/01/2021 19:54

I don’t see a problem
If they’re meeting outdoors. Maybe if you let him he will do his work with less fuss.
Is he year 11 or 12 as if he’s year 11 he needs to work hard now to get the grades.

Curtainsarefab · 06/01/2021 19:57

@Biscuitsneeded do you really believe if it’s a girl he will stay 2m apart... c’mon!

5zeds · 06/01/2021 20:01

Why can’t he go for a walk with his friend?

DrMadelineMaxwell · 06/01/2021 20:09

Here in Wales it's bloody well not even legal to stand in your garden with a friend or to go for a walk with them!

Original poster
Dickorydockwhatthe · 06/01/2021 20:24

He's year 11. He think he can go meet his friend and do his work when he comes home! Fed up with arguing with him.

OP posts:
5zeds · 07/01/2021 15:01

Well let him? He can’t meet his friends easily in the dark

HollowTalk · 07/01/2021 15:07

The only thing I would insist on is that he does his work before he goes out. Normally he'd be in school now and he should be more or less be keeping school hours.

As soon as exams were cancelled I thought about teenagers like this who wouldn't see the point in doing anything at all.

PlanDeRaccordement · 07/01/2021 15:11

I don’t see the problem. A walk in the middle of the day is a good way to increase mental focus and productivity. Especially for someone who struggles with work (and I know how this is as I have ADHD myself).
I’d be encouraging him to meet his friend every day in the middle of the day for a walk outside together. He needs to social support and the break will give his mind the distraction it needs so he can come back to work productively.

YouokHun · 08/01/2021 14:28

@Theunamedcat

Schoolwork first outside only if he sneaks off you will call the police on him (and mean it)
Really? These ‘tantrums’ in many teens at the moment are increasingly indicative of declining mental health. It’s the toughest age to deal with uncertainty (school, exams, future) and social isolation (friendship and contact with peers hugely important at that age). My DS is lying in bed at the moment and has had enough. I’ll be doing everything in my power to encourage him to meet a friend within the guidelines. The danger to his psychological well-being is much graver than the danger of Covid at this juncture. I’m really worried about young people at the moment.
Randomrebel · 09/01/2021 23:37

I was just thinking of encouraging DD to meet her friend for an hours walk tomorrow if it stays fair. As I can tell she is getting very down again. I am CEV but DD’s attitude and MH really suffered last time. She is year 11 and they have had such an awful time since last March.
Her friend had covid in March and they will both stay outside. Hopefully if it comes off it will help cheer her up and help get her through another week in the house next week.

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