19 son coursework

[Lizzbear]

I’m worried about my 19 year old son’s attitude to his uni work. He’s far too lazy. He scraped through college and I got him a place on an apprenticeship, which he was asked to leave as he was late and seemed disinterested.
We then got him into uni through clearing, and he’s barely doing any work. Only at the very last minute, when he absolutely has to. He’s started his second year, and I honestly don’t know how he passed the first year.
He’s a really nice lad, and I feel so anxious for him. But I’m constantly anxious and it’s affecting our relationship,
He keeps telling me Ive got issues about it, and I think I have
Advice please

There does seem to be quite a lot about what you want and what you did for him, and not much about what he wants.

Just leave him to it. A lot of students do the bare minimum for two years and then pull out all the stops when they hit their third year. And some just aren't that academically inclined. I know it's worrying but you have to let him find his own way, whatever that is.

I guess you’re right there
Thanks for replying
I need a reality check sometimes

We all need one of those from time to time. It's normal to worry about your kids and normal, I think, to want them to be settled, productive and on a clearly defined path. The bit where you have to step back is when it comes to wanting to steer them in a particular direction. I'm sure plenty people would disagree with me, but I've found it's a mug's game to try to change other people, even your kids. I know it's easier said than done though, and I frequently have to remind myself that my child is not me and therefore likely to want/do different things. (At the moment, that means a penchant for horrible jumpers! Not mine!)

Just leave him to it

True, but so much easier said than done.

I remember being at college, and my parents didn't help me decide on which course to do, didn't help with application, didn't help with studying, didn't help with job searches etc.

What he did do was tell me if I didn't get my finger out and failed my course I would end up working in and where was I going to live if I didn't have enough money to pay digs and afford to leave home. It did the trick then, looking back now there is no way he would have followed through but the earache and fear was enough!

dc, just know parents (including me) usually don't follow through and will continue to provide a free roof over their heads rather than see them out on the streets or in some unsavoury accommodation.

Thanks for your comments. It’s good to hear a from other mums