Binding

[SecretOfChange]

DD 13 asks me if she can buy a binder. We talked a bit about it and I think I managed to buy myself some time, but I am still at a loss on how I can best formulate a useful response.

She is self harming and has persistent suicidal thoughts. Likely on the brink (at best) of an eating disorder.

To me, binding is like self harm and eating disorders - it's an unhealthy way to relieve emotional distress in the short term, whilst creating big problems for later, sometimes for life. How do I get this message to her though?

When I say "sometimes for life" I don't mean that binders themselves creates problems for life but that it can be a 'marker', a step in the direction of further self destruction.

Binders absolutely can create problems for life.

I don't mean that binders themselves creates problems for life

Yes they can - in addition to being a 'marker' as you describe.Binding can lead to fractured ribs and other problems with long term consequences and 97% of women who bind experience negative outcomes. The most dangerous form of binding is commercial binders.

See: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27300085/

Or summary in this article from an LGBTQI magazine: www.starobserver.com.au/news/international-news-news/landmark-chest-binding-study-reveals-medical-risks/155457

Maybe if you can present scientific information to her?

Is she in counselling or anything? If so do they have any helpful advice for you?

Thank you so much for replying at this ungodly hour. Yes she's in therapy through CAMHS and I feel that every time she misses a week or more (like she has due to Christmas break) her MH gets considerably worse. I will call her counsellor tomorrow.

I'm sorry I can't offer you more helpful advice but you are right to stick to your guns - it's not a healthy path to go down. Like letting a child prone to eating disorders go on a diet - they may demand it, it may seem to help short term, but it is a step towards a greater problem.

Thank you August, just talking helps too. Appreciate your post.

Are CAMHS considering the possibility that her depression and self-harm are the result of a neurodevelopmental issue such as Autism or ADHD?

SecretOfChange has she said why she wants to bind her chest. You know there is an LGBT section here and so posts about the issue on that part of the forum.

@Littlefish Yes started ASD assessment, it's with school atm, I will chase it, thank you.

@Italiangreyhound she thinks gender is stupid and unnecessary and doesn't want to be, or look like, either a boy or a girl. She particularly prefers the look of a feminine boy. So far she's never voiced a desire to go through surgery / change gender in a physical way.

SecretOfChange it's very hard.

Thank you @Italiangreyhound I thought about it some more and solidified it in my mind that I cannot encourage it simply because it is unhealthy. I'm thinking about using my standard tactic of asking for at least one A4 sheet research 'paper' on why this is a good idea, plus some known criticisms. I have used this approach in the past in relation to energy drinks and weed and it helped to stimulate discussion. I'm also keeping an eye on how much money she has and what she spends it on.

Here you are OP. This is a very useful recent thread about binding. There's an overwhelming consensus that agrees with you - the damage it does to the growing breasts is horrendous and nobody should be persuading teenagers that this is a good thing. Hopefully you'll find some useful strategies / ideas:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4117572-to-let-dd-15-bind

Sounds like a plan. Who is she interacting with online between therapy sessions?

Thanks @persistentwoman started reading it and looks like there's quite a few good ideas in there, thank you. Obviously every teenager thinks that being uncomfortable in their own (changing) body is such a unique experience but in truth many children, teenagers and indeed adults go through phases of really struggling with the bodies they're given, yet manage to find their way without resorting to unhealthy behaviours....

@ScrapThatThen she has a girlfriend with significant MH issues of her own. It amplifies everything but so far the consensus of us parents (me and the other girl's) and our teens' counsellors is that we shouldn't supress the relationship (because it leads to the opposite of the desired result). I limit screen time / phone time but not to an absolute zero.

That must be so stressful for you OP. It's so good that she's talking to you and great that you're in contact with the other girl's parents and able to agree on things.
There are too many toxic influences out there persuading teenagers that changing their bodies is how to manage puberty and difficult feelings and somehow we have to intervene and persuade them otherwise.