Love Bombing?

[mostunapproachable]

Hello

I have seen this mentioned a few times. Along with a few threads recently of tweens/teens holed up in their rooms.

I now find myself with a moody withdrawn DD age 13 holed up in her room! It's pretty much happened over lockdown, well since lockdown no1.

However, the eye rolling, moody, non communicative girl she has become with her parents is not how she is with her friends. She has lots of friendships and enjoys meeting up, walks, takeaway Starbucks, shopping when open. I hear her hooting and laughing on FaceTime all evening. I'm lucky if I get 5 mins of her time each day

I enter her room, 'mum I'm on FaceTime, get out'. Is the usual response. We've been arguing. We always had a lovely relationship.

She's become rude with these daily responses to me and then next second asks for a lift to meet a friend. I'm finding it hard. I have a 17 yr old DD who always hangs out in her room mostly but was not like this ever at her age.

So what is this love bombing, how does it work and is it effective with this age group???

I have a 16 year old DD and a 12 year old DD so I feel your pain. I've found...after going through the same thing with my older DD, that the WORST thing you can do is take it personally.

Yes they're mean, rude and sometimes downright cruel but they do not mean it...

It does pass.

Love bombing works by removing the 'fight' from your interactions with them.

It means you can't argue back...don't get into verbal spats. You just keep asserting your love for them and being very positive with them.

You also give a lot of hugs. They don't always want those at this age though!

Are you in the UK? I'm not...how is your DD able to meet with friends with lockdown?

I'm in Oz, we don't have an restrictions where I am.

Thanks for your reply, yes we are in the UK and in tier 4 restrictions with schools not going back next week for us.
She can meet a friend for a walk but that's slowly teetered off for them all with cold weather and no shops or cafes/restaurants open.

Back to zoom and FaceTime.

It's the contrast of how happy she sounds in her room with FaceTime friends to how she views her own family now that I find hard!

She sounds just like my DD who is the same age. I pretty much do the love bombing thing although I've never heard it called that. After having so much conflict with my "D"M growing up I'd just decided to keep telling her how much I love her, hug her, and to do little things for her.

I'm always happy when mine are roaring with laughter in their room...that shows me they're enjoying close friendships.

It's normal to think your Mum's a knobhead at this age

Rise above it. Don’t engage. Ignore the bad behaviour but respond well to nice behaviour. Drink copiously & rant to friends 👍🏽.

@FortunesFave that is such a brilliant and down to earth response. I'm going to remember that!!!

Don't think I'd do love bombing as it (at least can be perceived as) really intrusive and boundary crossing and it might make things worse if what your DD wants is space. It can't be easy being locked down with family for most of a year and she might be feeling like she's lost her independence and ability to spend time with friends without mum listening/observing so the extra attention and hugs etc that are part of love bombing might be the opposite of what she wants & push her away even more. Leave her to it as long as she's not doing anything unhealthy. If she doesn't feel intruded on and feels she's still got some independence she might start to enjoy family time a bit more.

She clearly wants space from the rest of the family, which means she's holed up and only comes out for food!

I don't think she feels she is losing any independence, I have let her spread her wings and she is out and about with friends, getting buses and shopping etc. Obviously restrictions since Christmas and full lockdown now means this will change.

Pretty sure she thinks her parents are knobheads for sure!