Am I alone in this?

[Nia18]

Is anyone else worried about their DC's mental health when it comes to returning to school?

Just to be clear, this isn't an argument to keep schools open or closed, I'm just concerned for my daughters mental health no matter whether they're open or closed.

My DD is 12, she's in year 8. She's a very quiet child, very withdrawn etc. Shes under CAHMS at the moment.

School during the pandemic has been very hard for her and I'm worried about the return to school.

Her school day is miserable. She knows nobody in her classes, her friends are in separate bubbles so they have no contact at all, she has break time alone, she eats alone standing in the playground.

The school is very big with no personalisation. The kind where the teacher wouldnt be able to point kids out by name.

The safety rules, although absolutely necessary create anxiety for her. The environment has become difficult for her to relax at all in.

My daughter cant be the only one who feels like this?

Have you thought about moving schools? Sounds like the school is not able to meet her pastoral needs.
Both my kids have had similar experiences- before covid and currently and school were great at reacting and supporting them the best they could.
They have allowed my aome to move tutor groups so he is able to see his friends. My daughter (also year 8 and under camhs) has a conact point she is able to go to if she is struggling during the day.
I think you need to speak to school and explain what is happening for her and they need to try and support her.

My y11 hasn't been in school since March, as her MH is shot to pieces.

Have you spoken with pastoral care? Now would be a good time to move bubbles into a class with friends, which would be better mentally. As she is under CAMHS I would think you could have a strong case for pushing for it.

You will no way be alone in this.

I would be emailing form tutor / head of year / pastoral care and raising your concerns and asking for advice and if you think a form move would help then ask for it. You will need to advocate clearly to be heard as there is so much else going on.

(Have you seen the Secondary board? It generally gets more traffic than this one.)

It is so hard for kids. My girl, also y8, became very withdrawn during the spring/summer while schools were online only. When schools planned to reopen I asked that she be put with her one close friend, school agreed on mental health grounds but it was a slight palaver, i think schools should really prioritise friendships and help children foster their relationships through this dreadful time.

At DD’s school they are in the same class all the time but they are allowed to meet with other friends at lunch, where there have been cases they ask the child who they eat with and those children have had to isolate too as well as the ones they sit near in class or walk to school with, I guess it does increase the risk of transmission but does seem better for mental health.

I would ask that she be put with a friend, I agree with PP that you would have a good case to push for a class move if you think it would be helpful. All the best to you and your girl, this is really a hard time for kids and we worry about them so much.

In normal times, was your daughter happy at school?

Is there any chance she could have her bubble changed for the new term?

I’m in a big school but no way would this be allowed to happen in my school. She should have a tutor and sen dept. In my school we have a quiet room where some students can sit at break and lunch to eat and it is staffed so there is always someone to talk to. I’d start by getting in touch with her tutor and/or head of year or house. She could be buddies up with someone.

Thank you for your replies.

We've talked about moving schools but she's completely against it.

As for pastoral care I spoke to someone over the phone who I'm assuming was the pastoral care for her school. She said she'd refer my DD to the school counsellor, but months down the line there's been no contact from her.

They won't change her classes or bubbles because her friends are in higher sets than her so she'd struggle with the work. They're assessed every term and moved around based on how they've performed that term which seems to just make her feel like there's no stability. Since her mental health has gotten worse so has her performance in school, so she's getting further away if anything.

I think I just need to shout a bit louder in all honesty. She needs support and it feels like they're overlooking her because she's so quiet and doesn't make a fuss.

I've emailed her school and asked to discuss her return. Hopefully we can make things more pleasant for her.

As for pastoral care I spoke to someone over the phone who I'm assuming was the pastoral care for her school. She said she'd refer my DD to the school counsellor, but months down the line there's been no contact from her.

Have you chased her?

Was your daughter happy at school before pandemic?