Ongoing bullying - how do you cope it?

[MamaiBear]

So my son has adhd and is bullied regularly as he has very weak social skills. We’ve coached him, worked with the school, moved him schools, medicated him, ignored the bullying, tried to hold the bullies to account - pretty much everything. As my son has social skills issues he’s probably always going to be on the margins and treated badly by those who don’t have it in them to just ignore him if they don’t like him.

My son would regularly get a text or even an Xmas card with a bullying message in it. Other teens take the time out of their day to create a message letting my son know how hated he is, how horrible he is, how everything hates him etc etc

My son shrugs it off and honestly doesn’t seem affected. I on the other hand get quite upset about it sometimes nearly work myself into an anxiety panic attack thinking about how awful it is, worrying how his future will be etc.

I know other people with kids who have challenges have to deal with regular bullying incidents so how do you cope with it?

My husband has adhd too so also has the ability to stick his head in the sand like my son - he also tells me I’m over reacting as our son isn’t bothered and I’m allowing my anxiety to take over.

My son has been bothered by the bullying in the past when items have been stolen, when he’s been assaulted and when he asked to change school but he shrugs the nasty messages off where I on the other hand a was get upset every time a new one comes in.

I was emptying his school bag today as he got a new one and I found a note in the old
One from a lovely young lady who “fu@king hates” him.

How much are the school aware?

If you are keeping him in school I think I would want a direct contact such as class tutor or head of year and I would be reporting every incident, especially those via text or handwritten as you have clear evidence. Surely the school needs to come down hard so everyone knows that bullying him isn't worth the grief?

Or remove him and homeschool?

Sorry you're going through this. I found www.kidscape.org.uk/ really useful. We went on the course, my ds found it immensely useful, as did I. This book was good too www.amazon.co.uk/Bullybusting-Help-Children-Teasing-Bullying/dp/1876451041?tag=mumsnetforu03-21.

How old is your son? I was given some good advice - year nine is the peak of nastiness. Things get better year 10 and 11, when they develop some empathy. I kept ds (who had similar issues to your boy) at the same school. Things did get better for him, but I do sometimes wonder whether I should have changed schools.