My 18yo DD is worrying about her sexuality and I wondered if anyone had any advice please. She has had a very rough year (haven’t we all I hear you say!) with cancellation of A-levels, worries about getting in to uni, then moving into uni halls and finding it really isolating. Since coming home for Christmas she has relaxed a bit but all her worries have surfaced. Like all of us in our family it’s fair to say she is an overthinker, and she has been using an app to try and help with some success. She is literally worried about everything - and I say that just to put this into perspective. She has been worried about what course she is on, whether she has enough friends, is she attractive etc - she has very low self esteem at the moment and we love her to bits and it is really distressing. She thrives in social groups - not always with friends her own age - and these have been shelved along with everything else in 2020.
She has talked through and resolved to some extent many of the worries she has had, but one thing that surfaces time and again is worries about her sexuality. She finds men sexually attractive, but a chance remark to a lesbian friend about liking a boy’s long hair caused the friend to ask if she was sure she wasn’t gay as he had long hair. This may seem so trivial but it has set off lots of worries, not least because another friend once commented that she likes 'gay shoes'. I know. My DD freely admits she finds some women attractive but cannot see herself being with a woman sexually. She is now concerned that because she finds it easier to like women as friends and because there are older women she crushes on a bit then maybe she is really gay and just hasn’t realised . We have talked about the possibility of her being pansexual and whilst she is open to that on some levels, hates the idea in other ways - because she says she isn't attracted sexually to women. She hasn’t had any serious relationships and wants to join a dating site to try and get some fun in her life, but she is agonising over this. She does not want to put down that she is pan or bi as she does not want to date women as she says she can’t see herself being with them sexually, so I have suggested she dates males and just gives things a whirl and sees what happens. But I am aware she still has very big underlying worries. When I was her age I was worried I found it easier to make friends with boys, I was always into the traditionally male school subjects so her worries are very different from ones I have experienced.
Btw I know this will be suggested but I don’t think this is a case of her trying to gently break it to us that she is gay. I think it’s more that she desperately wants to be honest with herself, and is completely stressed out. Does anyone have any advice re the whole female/ female non-sexual attraction or any general advice of how I can help her or your own kids experiences that relate? Tia