Worried about 14 year old DS - he seems so bored and the holidays have only just started!

[Theromanempire]

He can't go out with his friends, just sits in his room listening to music and gaming or binge watching tv. Sometimes he plays with friends or his brother but often by himself.

All his after school activities stopped in November due to lockdown (and by the looks of it unlikely to start again January).

He is inherently lazy so won't go out for a walk/run.

It just seems it is going to be a very long 2 weeks and then at least one week where he is remote learning but more likely at least a month.

Any suggestions on how to engage with him? Keep him entertained?

Covid restrictions are hard on teenagers aren't they?

I completely understand.
I’ve seen my 15 yo DD go from a bright, sparky teenager back in March, to somebody who spends a lot of time just bored!
I know it’s the same for everybody (blah, blah), but she’s young and should be having a great time and (more crucially) learning lots of stuff at school.
Not sure I have any answers. Just commiserating with you really.

Same here. And you have to leave them on screens because what else is there. Oddly mine doesn’t want to organise a wet walk with one friend. Last time I paid small sums for chores and cooking, that was helpful and think he felt a bit productive and useful. They do often like lolling about at 14 tho, it may not all be COVID depression and tbh mine was like this last Xmas as well. Duolingo? Anything you can compete at? Making Xmas chocolate treats? Sorting out the old Lego?

My ds is 14. He's much the same as yours, but he also has Aspergers so there's added challenges to getting him into routines/out of bad routines. During the lockdown in the summer, I would make him come out for a walk with me (separate to his sister, because they argue 😂). He'd often enjoy once he was out. He doesn't do any activities anyway but does him on the Xbox.

This holiday he's helped me out wrapping presents and writing labels. He didn't do too badly! It's hard I know because there's not much to do at the moment.

Find him things to do. ds hates starting/doing "chores", but admits he does feel a sense of achievement and it raises his self esteem that he contributes in the house.

Whether it is cleaning the house, DIY, washing car, baking a cake (that you don't really need), wrapping presents (badly), writing and hand delivering cards to the neighbours, walking the dog, finding out how to clean the dishwasher filter on the internet then cleaning it for you, give his room a clear out of old clothes/toys together, teaching him some cooking skills - make eggs (boiled/cheese omelette/poached) for lunch, some chopping skills (prepare Christmas veg) etc

To kill an hour everyday read an opinion article in a quality newspaper together (subject of his choice), then discuss/debate the subject and opinion of the writer - a great habit to get into now before exams in a year or so. This is the only time we also find the Daily Mail useful (not everyday) as we can tear the reporting apart. Make it into something you enjoy spending time doing together.

Total sympathy here, it’s depressing.
I feel for teens so much - they’ve experienced the most disruption tbh. School/activities/friends/socialising.
Will he tolerate chatting to you for a bit, get him to play music he likes etc to you or show you stuff on SM .

Thank you for the sympathy and ideas- will definitely try some of these

justdanceaddict he can barely tolerate me being in the same room as him most of the time so not sure the sitting and chatting will work - would love to do that but he generally chucks me out of his room

It feels worse as we have asked him not to see his friends this week (he goes out to the park with them) as his 85 year old grandma is coming round on christmas day so we wanted to isolate as much as possible after the DC had finished school - he understands and reluctantly accepted it but I know it is so hard on him.

Obviously if lockdown does happen again, even him hanging round with his friends outside would have to stop

its really hard isn't it, I feel like my 12 and 4 year olds should be hanging with mates, having friends over for sleepovers, going to the shops/coffee shop, cinema, bowling etc and exploring becoming independent. God know when they will be able to do any of those things independently and will be slow to develop some of the key skills of transitioning into adulthood!
Mine wathc far too much TV/internet, play too many computer games and have lost the enthusiasm for yet another walk or doing cooking etc especially with the winter wather
We do play board games and try and insist on some family time.

I'm sorry your teen is going through this OP.

My 13yo is similarly struggling. We have had to isolate until Boxing Day as DH tested positive so we have been stuck indoors which has been tough.

He had been playing online and chatting to friends until recently and it all seems to have stopped. He seems very quiet, but then what 13yo wants to chatter away to his mum?

I'm at a loss and it's making me really worried.

My ds spends all day every day in his room
He told me recently that he feels like he's losing his mind

brie that is exactly it - all the things they would normally do, like hanging round McDonalds, going to the cinema, bowling, aren't available so they either hang around outside or cant meet their friends. He was just starting to explore his independence when the pandemic hit most he has done since is go to the chippy or corner shop!

chaotic it is awful, I'm worried too. I think boys probably don't talk much anyway so it is like getting blood out of a stone!

He seems better today and I am killing him with kindness with offers to make his breakfast etc to try and engage with him to the extent he said to me 'I'm not ill'!

It is really hard. I have a 16 year old and generally we get on ok. But she def feeds off my energy levels and can slump if we don’t discuss some plan or structure for the day. I def think introducing some chores so they appreciate other stuff can help.Ironing , baking, cleaning their room etc useful for them to learn. If you can afford to, some kind of reward system alongside to help them save towards something they want is also useful.
Splitting the day up into, health, house jobs, learning and then chilling / screens etc can help them appreciate the downtime.

I am taking my 14 year old DS out for a walk in a bit. With the dog.

I persuade /make my 13 year old DS come for a run (laps of the park, as he likes to count them) in exchange for me leaving him be for the rest of the day. He is definitely brighter afterwards. I am very grateful for online gaming as at least both my DSs can talk to their friends.
Chores to earn money is a good idea.
DS also does tech support for his Grandmother over the phone.

Nice to know that I'm not alone in having these problems. My kids are exactly the same. I don't have a solution, sorry! (Apart from END THE LOCKDOWNS!!!).

Same here. I think it’s pretty universal from speaking to friends. I insist on clean clothes and showers and some family time in the evening. I bought a new game called Throw Throw Burrito which they seem to enjoy.