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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Just need a bit of a hand hold - things aren't good

6 replies

BrightBlueCast · 22/12/2020 13:20

DS1 (16) has HFASD, plus teenage hormones plus living in a pandemic. He's very depressed. Has always been, tbh, a difficult kid but so tough since the summer. He's so up and down I can't keep track. I think we're heading for a miserable Xmas. I know it's not his fault but he's doing all the wrong things for himself and none of the sensible things. If we dare cross him, we get verbal - and sometimes - physical abuse. He was cheerful a couple of days ago, and went out to sit in the park with a friend, then was fine yesterday until we had a silly argument over PS4 and he's been absolutely horrific since then. Went out for a long walk last night, came home and sat in bed with his laptop until we took it off him at midnight (our rules). Still in bed now at 1 pm. I went in about half an hour ago to gingerly suggest he gets up and eats something and he told me to go away. I guess I just need to leave him to it, or he'll get violent. I'm so miserable too - trying to put on a brave face for my DS2 (14) but I'm anxious and feel sick.
DS is having counselling at school, we have a family wellbeing practioner, he's on the waiting list for CAMHS. We've suggested web chats with help organisations etc but can't force him to do anything.
God, it's tough ... I know there's nothing really anyone can advise but I feel awful.

OP posts:
Ohalrightthen · 22/12/2020 13:22

If therapy isn't helping, would medication be a possibility? Depression can be almost impossible to shift without it a lot of the time.

Punxsutawney · 22/12/2020 13:34

I can't offer much advice as we are struggling in similar circumstances, although we are not dealing with physical aggression. I have a 16 year old Ds with autism. He is currently on the Camhs caseload and has visits from a community mental health nurse. We have just managed to get him an EHCP to secure more support at school. But things are still tough. At the moment we tend to put as few as demands as possible on him, to prevent too many meltdowns.

Sorry you are dealing with this💐. It's so hard as a parent and very lonely too.

BrightBlueCast · 22/12/2020 14:03

I'm thinking meds might be the only answer but I'm worried about side-effects, and - later - coming off them. I've always rejected them for myself for the same reason. Also, he's so uncommunicative (always, even when things are stable/good) that I'm worried he wouldn't be able to say how they make him feel and we wouldn't know if he was suffering side-effects etc. Plus the fact I really don't want something so serious given out over the phone by a GP. Our local GP service is bad at the best of times but they're barely seeing anyone at the moment and the phone calls are always rushed and mainly unhelpful. I'm beginning to see it might be our only option though...

OP posts:
Punxsutawney · 22/12/2020 14:21

Bright I think in under 18's, medication would need to be prescribed by Camhs or a private psychiatrist.

The ASD makes things so much more complicated. Had a difficult conversation with Ds's Camhs nurse last week and we agreed that intervention so far has not worked. Nobody has suggested medication to Ds or us yet. I'm so concerned though, that they are going to give up on him.

SilkiesnowchicksandXmastreecat · 22/12/2020 14:40

I've got a 13 year old DS with suspected ASD and a 15 year old. I think its good he went out with a friend. It sounds like its technology access which is triggering him - could you relax the rules over the holidays as there's no set time he needs to be up and might improve his mood. I can understand your rules but if its causing you all to be that stressed I would reduce them but no expert.

My 15 year old I just leave her to get up and eat when she wants during lockdown / holidays - quite common for teenagers to be nocturnal, almost all her friends were in lockdown. At first she just hid in her room but after a while she got bored of that and started running, painting her room, cooking a bit.

Mine also find our pets very calming - we have an indoor rabbit, cat and silkie chickens - obviously its mainly you that would look after them though my DS feeds the chickens and the rabbits but it keeps him happy and calm.

Found it very hard to access help and the only person my DS responds to is me though I make it up as I go along and it's largely trial and error. I also got some things like singing Christmas teddies and polar bear cake but depends what your DS likes. Hope things improve for you all.

DfEisashambles · 22/12/2020 14:43

Take care of yourself OP. The best thing you can do for him is that and set a good example of taking care of yourself, offering walks and exercise and nutritious food along with family time, movies etc.

It will mean a lot to him to see you strong.

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