Help!

[WorriedMancMum]

I’m really at a loss to know what to do. DS is 17 and just been expelled from his school for getting into a fight. He has a history of suspenions and getting into trouble. He has always been quite remote from us, although can be loving if he chooses, but this is often him being manipulative as a way to get out of trouble/get what he wants. Now he tell us that he had been taking drugs, getting into a bad crowd and generally doing things that could get him into real trouble with the police. He claims he has nothing more to do with this crowd any more, but we don’t know what to believe. He has ADD, and has always been very impulsive. He vapes and smokes and has fake ID. We have tried a psychologist in the past, but that didn’t help and he ended up refusing to go. Academically he is good although does not acheive his potential as he has very little self discipline. He has a terrible temper and has in the past been shoved and pushed us, although this has not happened for a year or so and he is always terribly upset after he has calmed down. I feel that if we don’t do something now, he is going to end up in prison, but we don’t know what that something is. There is also the question of what to do about his school as we can’t see any other school wanting to take him on with his history. We feel he is ‘lost’ and can’t see a way to come back. Any ideas or help really welcome.

I was very like him. My DD has just had a diagnoses of ADD and I suspect I would too if I went and saw someone.

What helped me was a youth theatre I joined. Acting gave me the drama I sought in my life...excitement and risk.

Risk takers like myself and your son need to channel their energy somehow.

Would he think about college? And has he any interest in theatre?

No, no interest in theatre. He want to go to college, but we can’t find one who will take in-year.

What are his interests?

Not much tbh. Xbox and friends.

hi there !

actual teen here, 16 years old. i’m not here to side with your child automatically but i completely understand why your child is doing the things he does. social media + teenagers in general have changed a lot in recent years and has more of an influence on us than you’d realise, even if you think you know it all. sometimes it’s hard to find the person you want to be and getting influenced by some really awful people is so easy to fall into, but i completely understand why you are concerned because as normalised as those things have become they’re still not okay. i would say a supportive but firm approach is probably better than punishing him, putting things like Life360 on our phones or asking for photos of where we are unfortunately just makes us sneaky. i would say spend time with him more, take him out places and do nice things with him. they don’t have to be expensive or grand gestures, just letting him know you’re here to have chats with or to spend time with is enough. for me personally, things weren’t great with my mum until we started to spend more time together. in a way, even though i loved her unconditionally i had to build my trust with her, and now things are great between us. unfortunately drugs + being generally ‘rebellious’ is romanticised and has become an aesthetic, but i hope he comes round to it, you seem lovely enough just by caring :)

Drugs and being rebellious have been romanticized since at least the 1950s @jessieabril that's nothing new.