So I have mentioned it before on here but, never posted.
I have actually had enough, because I cannot actually find any help.
My DS is 18, in his first year of uni. And is spending most nights playing online with (and without) friends. He has missed a lecture as I see no reason to check on him as he is supposed to be an adult.
He is not eating and now ways less than his 12 year old sister. Yes I made him weigh himself because he is wasting away right in front of our faces.
He gets up (afternoons) plays games or goes to university (from his bedroom) and eats once or twice a day. He eats cereal, crisps, Nutella sandwiches, eggs and beans occasionally bacon if it’s in. He was cooking once a week and he needs reminding to do that. To tidy his room, which smells because he does. He won’t look after himself in anyway. He smells so bad, we have to close his bedroom door otherwise it spreads around the house. But when we say he has an addiction problem. He says he doesn’t.
He had a job (8 hours a week) but COVID. He took all his money from the job to buy gaming equipment and built his computer. He has no desire for anything outside the computer. Not food, sleep or hygiene. We turned off the internet at midnight, he bought a new phone contract (remember no job) to get around it but as he has no money coming in and he went into hisoverdraft. When we say this is addictive behaviour he says he doesn’t have a problem
After paying for his hair to be plaited so it would be neat for a job interview, he left it six weeks. It was a total mess last week I instructed him to sort it out. He pulled it out washed it and left it. So it has continuously gotten matted and drier and drier over the week. I instructed him on what to do with it.
He came downstairs yesterday to tell me he is going to the barber to get it cut and styled. I had to explain to him his hair needed to be combed and blown out or the barber’s shears will be tangled in the hot mess that has become his hair. Later I asked his dad what DS was doing and he asked me what do I think? I asked DS what was he doing and he says “chilling”
I asked him why he wasn’t doing his hair he said because he wouldn’t make it in time for the barber.
This morning I’m walking downstairs to prepare for the shopping delivery and at 6.27am he is playing on the computer. I told him to get off the machine in no uncertain terms.
I’m not sure he even went to bed last night.
I cannot have a child that doesn’t engage with the household, I cannot have a child that thinks washing is optional. I cannot have a child who thinks this is normal because it is not. But I do not know how to help this child.
We’ve asked him to make an appointment with the doctor for just a general check up. Nothing. We got him therapy last year after finding out about a knifing threat when he was still in school, his behaviour about leaving the house changed. But he didn’t tell us this for over a year and we tried working with the problem before us. However, because he doesn’t have a problem he didn’t engage over anything. He hasn’t been outside for a week and only seems to go if we send him to the shop.
Our rules were simple two hours at weekends longer on special occasions and/or with friends. He had tennis and dance and he has since given up both. His online friends are from college or uni and it doesn’t help that he’s scoring well on his modules everything is 70 and over.
He has asked for gaming equipment for Christmas. I can’t in good conscience do this. But I can’t figure out how to deal with him I’m so angry. I very nearly told him to come out of my house this morning. Luckily I curbed my tongue. It was cold and he was shirtless😉.
But seriously I’m done. My DH and I both agree. Until he sees the problem there is not much we can do.
I think that’s it.