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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

18 year old is leaving home

15 replies

annemarie1518 · 11/12/2020 09:51

My 18 year old son is leaving home to work in Colorado for 4 months. He’ll be living in a dorm setting and my brother lives in the town.
I’m so worried my son isn’t ready for this. I watch him have trouble getting out of bed, getting places on time, eating enough, etc. the stress is weighing so heavily on me.
How do I cope?

OP posts:
TeeBee · 11/12/2020 09:56

It sounds as though it could do him the world of good.
How's your relationship with him? Will he tell you if something is wrong?
At least your brother is there for emergencies.

Horehound · 11/12/2020 09:58

I think he will surprise you. It's something he wants to do, he will do it. Just be happy for him!

Buzzthedragon · 11/12/2020 09:58

Honestly, and with all the kindness in the world, he’s 18. If he can’t get out of bed by now, then this might be the thing that changes his life.
Of course we worry about them but don’t let your stress cloud the excitement of his new adventure.
18 year olds who work as athletes/ models/ performers are travelling the world alone at this age, adhering to strict training schedules, going to castings alone, sorting out their own permits/ visas/ flights etc. They manage perfectly when they have to .
For you, a focus for yourself when he’s away will stop you unintentionally smothering from afar.
I speak from experience. He’ll be fine and he’ll surprise you, I promise. What a huge opportunity for him.

CaptainMyCaptain · 11/12/2020 10:00

I left home and didn't have any of the support he does. Looking back, it probably wasn't great because I made a lot of poor choices but I think your son will have a fantastic experience.

CaptainMyCaptain · 11/12/2020 10:01

Should have said *I left home at 18. Also forgot to add that I survived went to uni later and led a good life.

FAQs · 11/12/2020 10:01

He will be fine, like many other 1000s of 18/19 year olds who leave home to go to Uni, work placements, international schooling, gap years, you’ll always worry, but he will be fine, especially as you have family close by.

Plonque · 11/12/2020 10:09

In the nicest possible way ... it's not about you. Let him start his life. I'd have killed for that sort of opportunity at 18, it could be the making of him.

Original poster
annemarie1518 · 11/12/2020 19:18

I appreciate all the advice and definitely acknowledge that I need to back off. I want to reassure everyone that the worry, etc. comes up during my early morning wake ups - I'm doing my best to only show him excitement and confidence that he'll succeed.

Thank you all for responding!!

OP posts:
Original poster
annemarie1518 · 11/12/2020 19:19

Thanks for the message. I believe he'll let his father & I know if something is wrong. And you're absolutely right - my brother is there if anything dire happens.

OP posts:
Longdistance · 11/12/2020 19:20

Just leave him to it. If he fucks up, it’ll be a lesson to him. Step back and let him be free. He’ll soon learn.

Original poster
annemarie1518 · 11/12/2020 19:20

And points well taken about smothering and this not being about me.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 11/12/2020 19:23

My son left home to go thousands of miles away for work at 18. I was worried sick but kept it to myself. My son did brilliantly and it was such a fabulous experience for him. He has always been mature for his age, but he grew up so much during that time. It was wonderful for him. I assure you he will learn very quickly how to get up on time and find food. Sink or swim! He will figure everything out.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/12/2020 19:25

To add, my son wasn't even in dorms. He was travelling all over the place staying in hotels and motels, driving all over Hell's half acre by himself. Encourage your son to handle any little hang-ups on his own. It's the only way we learn.

MissMogwai · 11/12/2020 19:28

It's hard when they move out. My daughter moved out at 17, albeit in different circumstances but I worried so much that 'something' would happen. We'd had a tense relationship for several reasons and I was very anxious about her.

She was and is fine and two years on she's a lovely young woman who is very independent. In fact we're closer as I don't have to clean up after her and 'peck her head' 😂👍🏼

I think it would be odd if you didn't worry. They have to spread their wings and if they make mistakes so be it. 🍸 for you.

jessstan1 · 11/12/2020 19:28

I think he will be all right, annemarie. I had a son who couldn't get up in the morning which didn't bother me though I occasionally wondered how he would manage when he really had to. He did! It was quite remarkable when he got a Saturday job.

Your brother will keep an eye on your son. It's natural for parents to worry but you wait and see, he will surprise you.

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