Teenage boys and ‘toys’

[AngelPot81]

I’m looking for some advice and I don’t really know who else I could talk to about this. My eldest DS is 17 and is having a tough time at the moment, he’s gone to spend a couple of days at his dads (all agreeable), I’ve tidied his room (he is usually responsible for his own room, I’m helping him out by easing his load, he would not have a problem with this) but whilst tidying I found some ‘toys’, nothing horrendous, nothing that bothers me but my question is...for all those people with the stories about your parents discovering your ‘toys’ would you rather they mentioned it to you, or just pretended that they were never seen??
I have never discussed ‘toys’ with my son, it never occurred to me but I did have that sort of conversation with my daughter (now 22)....second question is...should we be having those conversations with our sons???

No! Of course you don't say anything, he'd be mortified. Please respect his privacy.

Why on earth would you think you need to say anything??

I really think you need to step out his room, where were these items? You need to ignore what you found and to consider his right to privacy and do not tidy up without his knowledge again

Because they indicate an alternative preference...maybe his figuring things out, which is fine. I do absolutely want to respect his privacy hence why I’m asking this question here and not speaking to my family as I usually would.
Just curious as to people’s thoughts because this wasn’t something covered in the parenting manual.

Oh god, how mortifying it would be for your son if you said something to him! And what's there to say, anyway?! Absolutely don't mention it, and I'd ask him before tidying up his bedroom again.

"alternate preference" Is this an allusion to you thinking he might be gay / bi? Either way, I'd say leave him to his own devices. He'll tell you anything he wants to tell you, and an easy way to figure out this situations in the future is to ask yourself, "Would I want my own mum trying to talk to me about my sex toys when I was a teenager?" Probably not

Given you've been in and tidied his room he will know that you've found them.

Going in and tidying his room is not respecting his privacy anyway.

Stay out his room and please don't say anything

I doubt he left them out on display, so you were clearly snooping. Pretty appalling behaviour on your part.

Holy God
Get out of his room and leave everything as it was!!!!!!

Jesus, absolutely do not say anything. Or start asking leading questions, which will be just as obvious.

So how do you envisage this conversation going op?? I was tidying your room went through your drawers and found a dildo?? Like wtf do you think is going to happen, he's going to be absolutely mortified. I had a vibrator when I was 17, I would never have lived it down if my mum sat down to have a chat with me about it. He's not harming anyone or anything

The tidying the room thing is 100% not a problem. But you are all right, I don’t need to talk to him about it, I think I just panicked and had omg what do I do moment!

The tidying the room is 100 percent a problem, he’s too old for it, it breaches boundaries and it’s intrusive. He’s your son but he’s entitled to privacy.

Am I the only one wondering what the toys are?? Lol.

Just put them back and forget about it.

The tidying the room thing is 100% not a problem

It absolutely is, as you've proved by finding something he would probably rather you hadn't.