Daughters behaviour out of control

[Gensa]

Hi all. I'm new here and I'm absolutely at my wits end. My daughter is 12 soon to be 13 and in yr7. She started high school on Sept this year and for the first month did brilliant. Lately though I've been getting calls after calls from the school in regards to her behaviour. She's rude, obnoxious and defiant and it's getting out of control. She's nothing like this at home because she knows she wouldn't get away with anything like that. Im angry that she finds it acceptable to talk to her peers with such disrespect. We have had in depth conversations and she's stated she's fine and not being bullied etc so I'm lost at what is wrong. She's extremely popular at school and I'm thinking maybe this is why she's acting up. Maybe showing off? Either way I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do. I'll be taking her phone off of her today after school as I warned her of anything like this happens again the phone is going. So she knew. The head of year spoke to me today and said she doesn't see my daughter making it on the school passed the end if the year if she carries on. Someobe please help me. What can I do. (she's a only child BTW so no brothers or sisters)

Sorry OP it can be dog eat dog at secondary school with the fight to be popular and stay popular. I wonder if your DD is mixing with some kids who are egging her on or she is feeling insecure in her friendship group that maybe causing her to act up.

No help to you but my DD 15 is the other way round. At school teachers say she is quiet and well behaved at school then when she gets home I get both barrels and she is shouty, sweary, nasty, mocking and vile towards me.

Is she a year behind then because if she’s 12 almost 13, she should be in Yr 8?

Is she struggling with the work and trying to deflect that?

You should:
Impose consequences e.g phone, money, grounded
Talk to her about long term possible consquences e.g exclusion, lack of progress
Consider moving her for a fresh start elsewhere
talk to school about who she is trying to impress
Maybe consider asking for her to be moved away from these peers

She probably feels the need to impress her friends in order to stay popular you should sit her down and talk to her and make sure there’s nothing else going on.
I have to say though she could use you taking her phone to her advantage for example make it out as a good thing to her peers that she’s so rebellious that she gets her phone taken from her, or acting out even more as a response! Hope this helps.