Son becoming racist!?

[Strawberry33]

Ok so my son is 14. He’s very bright. Recently he’s started questioning all our beliefs in the home- political and liberal attitudes towards things. We are also an accepting family of other cultures and always have been.
My son can argue the legs off a donkey. I’m at a loss though as recently he’s started being a right bigot and cheauvanist. I’m worried he is watching stuff I don’t agree with but if I try to stop him all it does is confirm his belief that “lefties want to stop freedom of speech”. Not sure if this is teen rebellion and him experimenting or what? He said farage is a nice man the other day. 🤦‍♀️

We all rebelled against our parents and cultural norms at that age. Our parents also rebelled against theirs. You can't demand he thinks as you do, that will only make him rebel further. Your opinion won't change his mind.

Just leave loads of books lying around the house and make sure he's busy with hobbies. Direct without him noticing rather than trying to control.

My 14 year old does the same. I'm torn between challenging him and ignoring it. I'm pretty sure its just his form of rebellion. I don't think for one minute he means the things he says, but if he says "Brexit means Brexit" again I'll scream!

Yes i know i can’t force him hence why I’m not but not sure if I should be punishing it. I’m worried that he will say something outside the home and then not be able to get a job or have police involvement ect. I’m not worried about how he treats people as he’s actually nice and respectful to everybody outside the home at school ect. If I thought for a minute he would commit assault ect then I would get help.
I’ve offered counselling as he hates girls at the moment too because basically a girl beat him up for no reason and the school did nothing because she was a girl and he a boy (his take on it) he only faught back after she had punched him three times. He punched her back. They were both in year 7 but he was put in isolation and had peers taunting him. She got away with it with the attitude of “she’s being sassy and strong” she wasn’t she was abusive and obese and a lot stronger than him. :-(

My son watched right wing misogynists on YouTube at that age. He completely changed his mind when he talked to his female friends and heard about their experiences. A couple of years later he was raising money for domestic violence charities after witnessing real life incidents.

My kids have always understood that there's no debate when it comes to homophobia and racism but they've also lived abroad which helps.

Is he reading the daily mail btw? That stuff is poison.

In your shoes I think it's best to stop political talk when he's around. He is entitled to think Farage is right and might argue that viewpoint just to assert himself for the sake of it. Arguments that can be avoided by agreeing to disagree and not discussing it is probably best for family harmony.

Tic-tac-two is right. These threads always concern me, the idea there is a problem because a child thinks for themselves is worrying.

I have a slightly different take on this, probably informed by the fact my DS is autistic and arguing the hind leg off a donkey is like his basic resting state. He is incapable of accepting other points of view and incredibly rigid in his thinking, which obviously we've worked on for years but...

So the focus at home now is on putting that point of view over respectfully and learning when to leave a conversation/changing a subject. It's not about challenging his views, even if you disagree with them - it's about engaging respectfully in an adult way and hoping he'll pick up on that (I am explicit on that but a NT 14 yo might not take to that too well). explaining when it is and isn't appropriate to have a debate, knowing the audience and picking your battles. These skills are important. His core beliefs have already been formed by you, he's showboating and being a bit of a know-all, that's normal for 14 - it's more about expressing these new views in socially acceptable ways.

Thanks everyone xxxx