My 9 yo son has been through a phase of stealing money, threatening me with knives, walking on the edge of the pavement then along the actual road.......
What is helping us, and I can't work out how it has happened, is that we seem to have developed a repertoire of things which he and I enjoy doing....board games, roulette, watchign lots of James Bond, card games with our own rules which change all the time.
That all sounds very wonderful, but he's liable to suddenly get very upset and erratic and scary still. But at least we have some good times.
His relationship with his father is awkward, he wil get upset with me after he's had a good play with his father in teh garden, but then my husband switches off and goes off to do work at 9pmm, it's like a cutoff.
The other thing I have just thought of, the way these connecting activities sort of grew must have been when ever my son was ill or hurt, he'd automatically need me and I'd automatically offer his favourite drink, snack, sit with him in the night with the dvds on. That must have alowed the space for him to see that I did care and I did have another mode apart from 'angry mummy' .
So maybe wait for the next physical crisis and know that she does need you and you can have that trust for a while, even though it comes and goes.
Hope that helps a tiny bit.