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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Ds14 and chores

6 replies

Wejustdontknow · 04/11/2020 14:04

Would love an outside perspective please. Ds14 has a few chores to help out at home. These are to clean his room on a Saturday, to take out recycling if there is any each morning before school and after dinner and to dry the pots after dinner. I work early mornings so not at home when kids are up and getting ready for school. Just got home from work to a message on side from dp to ds14 saying, no devices tonight as you chose to sit on your iPad this morning rather than take out the recycling before school. I am unsure on how I feel about this, dp thinks that ds is now 14 and knows what his household jobs are, it’s his responsibility to get them done or face a consequence (this is always loss of device time), I am leaning more to the thought of if I was at home I would just say to ds, do the recycling before you go on your iPad please, that way jobs get done and no one is losing out on anything, it would take a matter of seconds to do this in my opinion.
This has been an issue in the past with dp and I differing on what we think on this issue, dp says if he is old enough to stay home alone when we go out, play 16 rated computer games and watch age related things on tv he is old enough to do his jobs without constant prompting and is just choosing not to do them as can’t be bothered.
Can I have honest thoughts please

OP posts:
Northernparent68 · 05/11/2020 07:47

I probably would have reminded him, however you were not there, and your husband is not wrong. It’s probably best to back him up.

TigerQuoll · 05/11/2020 09:20

I think it sounds fair. He is old enough to think of setting an alarm on his device if he is prone to forgetting. If there's no consequence to forgetting why would he ever take that step to remind himself

WitchWife · 05/11/2020 10:01

Why does he need to take the recycling out twice a day??

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 06/11/2020 11:10

If he needs reminding, stick a note on the fridge of things he has to check.

But at 14 really he should remember to do it. Does he remember to do all the stuff school asks him to do? Homework? Bring in PE kit in on a particular day? I bet he does.

Back your Dh on this. If it needs addressing do it another day, not tonight. Tonight he loses tech as he chose to go on the ipad this morning.

hesaidshesaidwhat · 06/11/2020 20:45

How will he learn to remember things if you don't have that level of expectation though? I found that if I constantly reminded my DC then they didn't think for themselves. DC can remember things that are important to them (I find men are like this too) and I am willing to bet that if there are consequences, like no ipad, then he will soon step up and remember. I do think 'training' DC to think pro-actively early is the way to go.

Weenurse · 06/11/2020 20:48

Back up DH.
At 14 he should not need reminding.

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