Dd's friend suicidal

[stirling]

Not sure what step to take but need to do something.
DD (13) announces this morning at breakfast that her friend (quite close, known since nursery) was posting on the class WhatsApp chat last night suggesting she's contemplating suicide. All children on the group responded in the expected way "No, don't do it... It's not worth it"
My dd privately messaged her and it seems that although she sounded very down, in the end she concluded she was too young to do it.

I know the mum very well as a friend. She's quite young, has 4 kids, no support from the father who's self absobed and mostly absent and is depressed /often angry with kids.

What to do? Do I contact the mum? My dd begged me not to say anything this morning because it would betray her confidence, but I'm thinking that perhaps I should let the school know?
My gut feeling, having known this child for so long, is that she's attention seeking. Ds (16) said that it's really common for girls in his class to talk about depw/self harming apparently it's seen to be trendy, but I don't believe it!

What step would you take?
The girl and her mother do not have a close bond by the way. I fear telling mum would provoke more wrath.
Thank you for any advice

Should be clearer, it was difficult to tell if the girl was being serious or whether it was a sick joke, that's what my dd said. A lot of banter with the boys about it on the class chat.

I would contact the safeguarding officer/lead at the school the girl goes to at the very least. Give them as much factual info as you have and let them take the lead on this.

I would definitely inform the mother (and school if they are open where you are; particularly if you have doubts about the mother's ability to cope with this properly). If it were me, I would want to know. You can present it to the mother as you have here; ie that this may be a lot of hyperbole on WhatsApp but you never know. Even if the child is just "attention-seeking" then at least the mother will know she needs more attention, and speak to her about causing unnecessary alarm. Very sadly though, if she is serious, the child is not too young to follow through. And it shouldn't be left to your DC to make that judgement call. You need to explain to your DD that sometimes confidences need to be broken when the circumstances are serious enough.

Thank you both so much. Your advice makes sense and I'll follow through right now.

Given that she posted on the class whatsapp and more than your DD have seen it (so it isn’t obvious to the girl and her Mum that it’s come from your DD) I actually wouldn’t say anything to the Mum and would raise it with the school safe guarding team. There may be a bigger picture here and they can ensure that the appropriate steps are taken with the appropriate people. If you just inform the Mum you don’t know for sure what she’ll do with the information. Even if it is attention seeking it is still concerning and the school really are best equipped to deal with it.

Self-harm/mental health and suicide is very much “a trend” amongst teenagers at the moment, your DS is correct.

Lots of children do this to seek attention from their peers, the problem is working out which ones really do need help. Ds(16) had it a year ago when a lot of his friends/classmates were allegedly self harming. Report to the school.

The girl and her mother do not have a close bond by the way. I fear telling mum would provoke more wrath.

Whatever issues the poor girl has could likely stem from these troubled family family relationships... I wouldn’t be telling the mum in this scenario but I would definitely tell the school who may be able to handle it better.

I'd go with school as well. If you tell the mother your DD will think you've betrayed a confidence and it's important to keep communication lines open. (between you and DD, as well as between DD and her friend).

My DS's friend attempted suicide over the summer. He'd been talking beforehand about how he hated his life and wanted to end it, but no one really took it seriously. So in your case, it might be attention seeking, or it might not. But best to assume not.

Hello everyone, thank you so much for the feedback and helpful advice. I did in fact contact the school pastoral team to explain. Hopefully they'll support the girl first and foremost.
Had a quick look at the messages yesterday. It was so sad to see what little self worth she had. Ran herself down to the ground