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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DD 13.5 refusing to go to school

4 replies

Lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 02/11/2020 08:05

Hi.

My DD is emotionally up and down. Extreme highs and then lows. V popular but seems to prefer to hang out with a group of friends who mainly don't go to her school. I know them and they are all lovely.
Before her 2 week half term she had the week off. Says she hates school. Can't concentrate. The teachers don't like her. She is capable academically but the school system just doesn't seem to agree with her. I don't think her moving school would work. Before half term she was restricting her diet, self harming and in tears frequently. Also very emotional and sometimes aggressive. The last 2 weeks have been brilliant.

The school were in touch before half term and she has a mentor in school but the waiting list for the school councillor is massive. She also had a zoom assessment with the eating disorder team at CAMHS in half term but she ran off half way through thT. They deduced (and I agree) that her problem is not an eating disorder.. more of a range of issues and have referred us back to the wider CAMHS framework. There is a long waiting list for that too.

I found a good teen therapist and thankfully got her to go along there last week and she seemed to quite like her which was good . I M hoping to get her along for a weekly appointment.

In the mean time she is laying in her bed right now silently staring at her wall whilst I gently try and coax her into her uniform. It's not working. I can't physically force her.

What should I do? I spoke to a family member yesterday who had this and she said she made it as unattractive as possible to be at home. No phone until she would have finished school, no tv, no laptop.. just a list of jobs she won't want to do. I see what she is saying but I just don't know. It does seem like genuine fear / angst.

I am considering getting her assessed for ADHD as a few people who know a lot about it and know her have suggested this.

In the mean time . Should I be forcing this school issue? If not then what should I do? Sorry at my wits end this morning...

OP posts:
Lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 02/11/2020 22:02

Sorry anyone have any experience of this? Another hard day. Any advice gratefully received.

OP posts:
Barbara1874 · 04/11/2020 18:17

@Lemonsaretheonlyfruit
Hi I m having similar problems my DD won’t talk to me about it she won’t talk to the teachers .
We are starting counselling but it’s hard
when she won’t say why she won’t go to school.
I feel your pain it’s a worry and stressful . Covid isn’t helping either with all the changes and mask wearing .
Services are so pushed as many are in this position.
Can advise to get as much input as you can and support for her but also you as it’s hard on the parents . And try to be positive and keep your chin up as hard as it is

Spreadingchestnut · 04/11/2020 18:20

youngminds.org.uk/

blackcat86 · 04/11/2020 18:23

Is there anything that she will engage in? What is it that she likes? Try to do more of it together. Go for drives so she can talk without direct eye contact. Would she consider home school so she is accessing education?

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