Ideas for encouraging weight gain in 14yo dd (amenorrhea)

[PatienceVirtue]

My 13 almost 14-year-old daughter is at the very low end of a healthy BMI. She has always been 75th gentile for height and 25th for weight which combines to make it borderline overall. In the national measuring of y6 she was deemed to be underweight.

However, she eats very healthily and reasonable sized portions, at least in comparison to my other two. She's always been experimental and open to new tastes and flavours. She likes fruit and veg, eats porridge, lots of hummus, avocado etc as well as more unhealthy stuff like cookies. For instance, at lunch I'll have one of those seeded flatbread sandwich wrap thingies and she'll have two with carrots and hummus. Or one with hummus and one with PB and J.

At the beginning of lockdown she started to fill out - a combination of adolescence and less activity. Probably some boredom eating too, like the rest of us. I was pleased about this. However she seemed conscious of this and seems to have lost any weight she gained.

I'm concerned because she started her periods last July, had 10 or 11 and then hasn't had one for four months. I know periods are erratic in puberty but it seems concerning after starting off pretty regular.

We spoke to the GP today and she said she should put on some weight and that if her periods aren't back by Christmas they'd run tests.

So I'm looking for easy, unobtrusive ways to put some calories into her diet. Not something I've experienced for myself. I don't want to make a big deal about her weight or draw attention to her diet, especially since she has relatives with eating disorders.

She's about 5 foot 5 and 94lb. Obviously this would be very underweight for an adult but not for a child. She's still growing upwards. She has no boobs and I'm a double DD/E so I'm guessing they're to come. Hips but no bum.

Any ideas on how to stuff some calorie dense stuff into her? And any reassurance that being so skinny doesn't necessarily mean an eating disorder?

could she be on the pill?
could she be pregnant?
sorry to ask, but usually women/girls need to be severely underweight to stop periods.

Why dont you download my fitness pal and make up meals to the value if the calories she should eat or day for her age. If she eats a healthy diet I'd be wary of trying to make her overeat. She doenst sound like she has an eating disorder if you say she eats healthy, do you think she is making herself sick?

Another way you could is by upping fats. Use double cream in sauces and butter. Make sure yogurts are full fat not low sugar or low fat. Use whole milk. Give her nuts.

My eldest daughter had her period for a year and then it went missing for a few months and my niece was similar also. They can be sporadic for the first couple of years. Does she do alot of exercise?

Apologies for spelling errors, was typing one handed whilst eating a sandwhich.

Looking at this her weight doesnt seem an issue.

"According to the CDC, most 13-year-old girls weigh between 76 and 148 pounds (lb). The 50th percentile for weight in this group is around 101 lb. This means that about 50% of girls this age weigh less than 101 lb. ... If a 13-year-old girl weighs above the 95th percentile, the doctor may diagnose obesity."

Thank you so much for these replies. She's not on the pill or sexually active - of course, you could say how would I know, but she's at an all-girls' school and rarely goes out. Plus during lockdown there would have been absolutely no chance. She's pretty lazy about exercise but has recently started to do some workouts (I'd rather she ran or got back to playing football).

Her weight is fine, I think, but for the fact that she's relatively tall.

But hopefully you're right @Scbchl, it's just normal erratic pubescent periods. And I will stick some extra butter in the mash. I recently had porridge made with milk and cream and it was soooo delicious so I'll make some of that for her.

The fact that she put on weight and then lost it again makes me suspect she is controlling her intake of "treat" foods on purpose to delay signs of puberty.

DD hadn’t started puberty by 16 - her BMI was 13. She had been in the early stages of an eating disorder, but had had input from CAMHS. The consultant’s advice was to gain weight (2 stone) to get her weight upto 7 stone and referred her to a dietician. DD couldn’t really increase the volume of what she ate. The dietitian’s advice was:

1. Forget healthy eating - getting more calories was more important
2. 4 meals a day - she prescribed Skandi shakes, which are about 600 calories for a 4th meal at bed time
3. Full fat milk, yoghurts, etc
4. An extra tsp of butter or oil; or grated cheese on a meal
5. A snack mid morning and afternoon, such as a full fat yoghurt, a cookie or piece of cake
6. Use milk instead of stock in cooking
7. Laze around at Xmas, eating sweets and chocolates

I found these great individual chocolate puddings with chocolate sauce inside, which were 550 calories at Waitrose. DD liked those! Once she got to 7 stone, her periods started.

@DarkMintChocolate thank you so much, this is very useful advice. The suggestion that we don't get hung up on healthy eating is a good one (the GP less helpfully said 'don't eat loads of doughnuts).

I'm going to make loads of flapjacks and I'll get some puddings. She's always keen to bake and can whip up a very calorific Nutella hazelnut cake on her own so I'll make sure she's got ingredients.

I have a friend whose daughter had an eating disorder and the rest of the family ended up putting on loads of weight as she snuck butter into all their food.

I have had a look at the booklet I was given. It was called “High Protein, high energy diet”. Other advice was:

1. Drink 1 pint of full fat milk a day.
2. Eat hard cheeses like Cheddar, Lancashire and Cheshire. Do not eat low fat cheeses such as cottage cheeses, reduced fat Cheddar, etc
3. Put red kidney beans or lentils in soups
4. Add natural yoghurt to stews, etc
5. Preferably fry meat and fish. Do not cut fat off the meat.
6. Put plenty of sugar in hot and cold drinks, on cereals and in puddings. Eat plenty of sugary foods like jam, honey cakes, biscuits and sweets
7. Do not use low calories squashes, fizzy drinks, or artificial sweeteners.
8. There should be at least one starchy food in every meal, and use for snacks.Sandwiches, crackers and cereals make good snacks.
9. Use butter or margarine liberally on bread. Butter toast when hot. Do not use low fat spread.

10. Cream can be added to soups, sauces and puddings. 11. Choose tinned fish in oil, not brine. 12. Use extra eggs in cakes. 13. Chop boiled egg up and add to salads. 14. Fruit yoghurts can be put on fruit. 15. Try to add fat to foods by frying or roasting

That is so useful thank you @DarkMintChocolate. It's so weird to read because we're so used to being given the opposite advice. I do think it's no wonder so many teens have issues with food given just how saturated we are by messages about 'good' and 'bad' and body shapes. It's depressing how already she's absorbed ideas around 'earning' food via exercise while her older brother sees food as entirely neutral fuel.