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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

What time is reasonable to be home for 16 year old DD?

40 replies

Inastatus · 27/10/2020 17:27

My DD has just turned 16. We live in a fairly quiet market town and until recently I’ve let her stay out with friends round town/park etc until sunset and she’s been getting home just before dark. Obviously it’s now dark a lot earlier and she’s arguing with me about being allowed out after dark. She always walks home with a couple of friends but I’m just not comfortable with her being out in the dark/cold.

I’ve told her she can bring a friend or 2 back home but she is generally mixing with up to 5 others (they are all in same school bubble and we are in tier 1 so allowed in group of up to 6 but obviously can’t have them all back).

Last night she was home by 7pm which is quite early I know but it was pitch dark. She was moaning that it’s half term and she’s 16 and her friends are allowed out later. I’m not sure if I’m right. It’s difficult for me to trust my judgement sometimes because my DD’s best friend isn’t allowed to hang out in town at all!

I’d be interested in your opinions. Thanks.

OP posts:

Seeline · 28/10/2020 08:36

In normal times yes. But at the moment, a vast proportion of them can't go to a friend's house. They can't meet in groups of more than 6. They can't go to a cafe or restaurant. Strictly speaking, they can't even go shopping together unless 2m apart (and most shopping for teens only involves trying stuff on which they can't do, rather than actually buying anything). Cinema is about the only thing, but they can't sit next to each other. If they are out, they are hanging about on street corners, or roaming dark parks. That may be fine until 10pm in some areas, but not so much in others.

I feel so sorry for the teens of today.

AlexaShutUp · 28/10/2020 08:47

I have a dd the same age. Tbh, I wouldn't be happy about her just hanging around in a park/in town after dark, but thankfully it isn't an issue for us because she never asks. If she meets her friends outside, they do it while it's still light. DD is usually too busy on school nights to do much socialising anyway.

There is no fixed curfew if she is at a friend's house or doing something specific, but in that scenario, I'd usually pick her up or a friend's parent would drop her back - generally no later than midnight, otherwise they would just stay over.

Thankfully, the kids in her friendship group aren't generally the type to roam around at all hours. She does have one friend who is allowed to stay out late at night...interestingly, the friend's perception is that this is because the parents don't give a toss.

AlexaShutUp · 28/10/2020 08:51

Also, just to add in response to a pp - I've worked with teens for years, and smoking weed really isn't the norm for all of them - only for certain groups.

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 28/10/2020 09:25

Dear god, at 16 I went out Friday night and came back Sunday night! They knew I was either my boyfriends or friends but in reality, we were at all the clubs.

I appreciate times are different due to Covid but 7.30 is unbelievably strict. 10.30 - 11 would be a reasonable start.

RedskyAtnight · 28/10/2020 09:32

Thankfully, the kids in her friendship group aren't generally the type to roam around at all hours.

Nor were mine before Covid meant that they couldn't do the majority of what they would normally do. (Although most people's "all hours" on this thread is just until 9 or 10) Seeline sums it all up quite nicely. They can't even socialise in schools much as the school has cut breaks to a minimum and imposed all sorts of restrictions. Plus the use of staggered starts/finishes means that it will soon be dark as they come home from school. If you want your child to have any sort of social life, then hanging around parks/street corners after dark is pretty much the only thing left for them to do. I'm having to let my teens do things that I wouldn't have condoned a year ago, because there isn't a sensible alternative and I think no social interaction is far worse!

Original poster

Inastatus · 28/10/2020 09:44

@RedskyAtnight - you’ve summed it up perfectly.

OP posts:

AlexaShutUp · 28/10/2020 09:47

RedSkyAtNight, yeah, it might be easier for us as we're still in Tier 1, so they are still allowed to meet inside. For now.

Mostly, though, they are meeting outside at weekends during the day, going for walks etc. DD has never socialised much during the week anyway, as she does extra-curricular stuff (some of which is very social anyway) volunteering, homework etc. She wouldn't have the time to go and hang out in the park!

Soontobe60 · 28/10/2020 09:50

@yeOldeTrout

She's big enough to manage the cold & dark.

What bad things do you think will happen if she's out on her own -- will her friends coax her into drugs, vandalism or sex?

My just turned 16 yr old was abandoned by his ‘friends’ in a park dead drunk. He was found by a dog walker and ended up in hospital for 3 days. So yes, so-called friends can coax their peers into doing dangerous things.

FelicityFlamingo · 28/10/2020 09:53

Depends what she's doing. Hanging around in the cold and dark? Then I'd have an earlier curfew - I don't want my teenagers just hanging around doing nothing outside , especially one who I know has taken drugs

At a friends house, doing something specific or at the cinema/ cafe/ partaking in an activity? Then I'd be fine with whatever time and would collect if it was late ish or she could make her own way home if not

RedskyAtnight · 28/10/2020 09:54

DD has never socialised much during the week anyway, as she does extra-curricular stuff

None of my DC's extra curricular stuff has re-started. Another example of socialising being restricted.

Oblomov20 · 28/10/2020 09:59

10pm
11pm at a push if she was dropped home.

BitOfFun · 28/10/2020 09:59

Our parks are all closed at sundown. If where they are hanging out causes an antisocial behaviour situation (disturbs residents/prevents people accessing shop doorways etc), then it's an issue. You really need to know exactly where she is, IMHO.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 28/10/2020 10:06

Times have very much changed - I had a child and my own home at 16! 😳😱

I have a DS who is 16 but has an (undiagnosed) developmental delay and most likely ASD, when I walk through the local area at night and see groups of teens huddled over a cigarette or joint or generally swearing, making out, being rowdy, I cringe at the thought of him getting into that when he has no ability to know what is and isn't ok.

(This isn't a dig at you OP more a thought that went though my head)

HappydaysArehere · 28/10/2020 10:08

At sixteen I would feel comfortable with her being out to 10pm as long as I knew where and whom she was with. In these days of mobile phones where contact is easy I wouldn’t worry.

Seeline · 28/10/2020 10:16

I think this is a real worry. Groups of teens in dark corners of deserted parks can be up to all sorts of things. It only takes them to get into a bit of an argument for one of them to be left alone.

Again, in part of the country where it is still OK to mix in houses and other indoor areas, yes 10pm is fine for a 16yo. Where there is no option but to hang out in the park, not so sure.

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