DCs are 12 and 14, times are changing.....

[BaconAndAvocado]

DCs are becoming less and less inclined to want to go on "family days out".

I know it's natural and that they're growing up, wanting to spend more time with their friends/in their rooms but I'm finding it quite hard to let go.

DH thinks we need to up our game with what we do with them. Maybe try kayaking or something outward bound.

We took them to a stately home today, somewhere we've been visiting since they're tiny and they really didn't want to be there.

Oops, didn't mean to sign off so quickly.

Just wondered how other parents cope?

Couldn't agree more! Have changed it up and taken them kyacking, climbing or gone for coffee and cake in town or a meal out just one on one works well.

Also conversations in the car work ALOT better than trying to glean any details at the dinner table.

But it does bring a lump to my throat seeing the 4 year olds at the school gate so excited and happy, and I get a hungry monolith!

My DS’s are just 11 and 14 and days out are quite different now. Occasionally we do things like forest walk or visit a castle but we also have done paddle boarding and boating. We don’t do days out like we used to, having said that we did do an activity farm a few weeks ago and despite initial resistance / reluctance, they enjoyed it - it was very much like a day out we used to have when they were small with a picnic etc. These are few and far between though! Our main family activity now is watching films. because we do it so much less, they are more amenable to a day out when they do happen.

There isn’t any point fighting the change

Yes I agree, you can't assume any longer that they'll be happy with the same things you've always done. Water skiing, sailing, Go Ape and Alton Towers have been hits with my teens (covid allowing...).

I posted too early! I was going to add there are benefits to it you can embrace.

Thanks everyone, some good suggestions here.

There isn't any point fighting the change I know...

It's really hard but I think pretty natural at this age tbh. I can remember not to wanting to hang out with my parents in my teens either! My dc are a bit younger (10 and 12) but have definitely outgrown trips to the playground and den building in the woods etc. They'll happily come for a walk or visit to a national trust place if there's a hot chocolate and a cake/ice cream involved.

Kids have enjoyed this summer

Paddle boarding
Surf lesson
Flip out
Pony trek
Stone balancing outdoor workshop with artist

All of the above are considerably more expensive than a walk in the woods, so kids know that it can’t be a weekly activity.

Did they end up enjoying it? I’ve got teenagers and although they do moan beforehand, I remind them in probably a total eyerolly way to them, how important some exercise and fresh air is.
They do seem to still be ok with it then. We do try to mix it up but walks or bike rides are still the easiest and cheapest.

Paddle boarding was a success with my teens this summer. Meals out (Covid allowing) are our main family time out these days.

I take them out individually sometimes (or I did, before covid). Museums that interest them etc.

Otherwise, we mainly chat when I'm acting as taxi service.

DS is 14 and we mostly go our without him now. I recommend getting a dog. He does enjoy Escape Rooms and meals out so outings are now an expensive business .

Mine want to go if we meet up with my sister and her wee one. Or, one of their other cousins.

The younger one now enjoys going camping with dh. Just for a night at a time though.

The older one will go shopping anytime. Unfortunately, I hate shopping.

I agree with the talking in the car comments. I drive dd to school every. 30 minutes of chat each way is a lot of chat.

I think we adapted by

• having a few 'family projects', like walking the Cotswold way in stages, or learning to windsurf
• asking for opt in/committment, but not minding if they said up front they were not going to join in
• making start time much later eg leave home at 11am, possibly making pancakes or breakfast as a getting up bribe
• instead of going for coffee and cake on the way home we did some takeaways or went to the shop to get what they wanted
• they hated going out in our local area in walking clothes in case they saw someone they knew but were fine if further afield and always wanted to change before going into a cafe or restaurant (preferably at home).

Makes me sad. Most teens just don't want to do it anymore. But, what can you do?

But, tbf if you went to say go ape twice, at the age of 9, and then again at 10, why would you want to go again.

My two went to Thorpe park many many times, but years ago. So no interest now.

We call it 'enforced fun"! Or the humour your parents "walk of despair". She is allowed to listen to an audio book en route, but doesn't usually bother.

Yes, we do normally leave DC at home, but we lure her out with the promise of an ice cream or lunch.

In our defence we've spent hours and hours ferrying DC to swim, run, play hockey pre-lockdown (so she knows she owes us!).

12&17 here .

Paddle boarding was a success in the summer .

Definitely resistant to going for walks, even a coffee and cake is not an incentive. They really don't like to be seen out with their parents !

McDonald's breakfast seems to get them up and out. Sharing a takeout rather than going out for meals is preferred .

On the plus side , the 17 year old is at least going out with friends more .

DD 16 went through that stage.
However she is now very much an Afternoon Tea fan.
She and I do this once a month (we even do scores on the doors in the car on the way home).

Agree with ScrapThatThen whatever you do make sure that they won't see people they know, especially people they know that aren't with The Parents.

Haha yes they would be mortified if we saw any of their friends when out and about!

rookiemere we are in the process of considering getting a dog!

We did "up our game" a bit and did some great "adventurous" activities but TBH the best family days out through their teenage years were a walk and a pub lunch or a picnic.

They didn't always want to go but enjoyed it once we were out and they talk to you when walking. We still do it quite often now they're 17 & 19.

I don't always ask if they want to go, just announce we're going

@BaconAndAvocado I was strongly against getting the dog, DH and DS were the main campaigners and I gave in as thought it would be good company for only child DD. Funny enough DS refuses to do anything for poor rookiedog claiming that he is too big and not obedient enough on walks.

I however have succumbed to rookiedog's charms - in ye olden days when I used to return from work, it was so nice to have something genuinely pleased by my return [then I had to get out his smelly dog food and squeeze a walk in as well as everything else].

Ah rookie dog and his charms sound lovely!

At present DCs are 100% in favour of getting a dog, I'm 90% and DH is 80%.....

Over the summer I was able to entice my 13 yr old to come to the beach in the morning by taking a portable cooker and making bacon sandwiches. It didn’t seem quite as appealing to sit home on her own with a bowl of cornflakes.

We did do more adventurous things eg went sea kayaking, rock climbing, sailing etc but still went to castles, stately homes, art galleries etc. I didn't let them choose (interestingly dd1 now goes with friends to such places, early 20's and wants National trust membership for Christmas, you can foster a love for these places!)