Losing teenage daughter

[Delilahfunke]

Need some advice !
I have a 14 year old daughter and two younger sons -3 and 5.

I am trying to arrange time for just me and her to hang out and have dinner together , watch something other than an animated film ;) etc
I planned for a regular cost Friday night , but she flat out refuses . Not interested!

Should I back off ? I know teenagers don’t think it’s cool to hang out with their parents but I think this is important for us .

I thought she was craving time with just me where I could give her attention because her siblings are so demanding.

Thoughts?

She's 14 - that's what they do.

My DD did cone in and join me sometimes or we might agree to watch a film together but it was t a regular thing. DS at 14 hardly ever - once a year maybe!

Good to know !

We have done it a few times before and I feel like she resents the time I give to her younger siblings . So I thought I would plan a night for just us .

Just feel sad and miss her sometimes!

Give her space and she will come to you in the end.

Five years time you'll be having mum daughter lunches at her uni town or whatever.

They are often quite selfish at that age...they will join you for a 1-1 if there is something in it for them. I tend to take my (4) girls shopping one at a time, and treat them to a meal out and maybe a new top, or trainers, I know this is difficult at the moment. It's like bribery, but it does allow you to spend some nice time together.

Maybe you should ask her for suggestions rather than plan it yourself? She might prefer something less "full on" than dinner - maybe a daytime coffee and a trip to her favourite clothes shop?

But if she still says no, then yes it's time to back off.

I was that 14 year old with much younger siblings and to be honest I just wanted my own space and to do my own thing. Maybe be a bit more casual about it and if the boys are in bed and she's home ask her if she wants to watch a film or tv show with you.
I do remember watching tv with my mum once the others were asleep but it was spontaneous.

I think the regular Friday night thing might be too formal maybe? My 16 yo dd will sometimes watch something with me or go out for lunch or something but she wouldn’t commit to it in advance. Something better might come up 😉

I would never get time with ds ons Friday night, its prime time / the weekend, they've probably got plans with friends, even if they are only online ones.

Times I can get with ds are weekend late morning/early afternoon and occasional school nights.

My 15 yo DD Mostly ignores me. She huffs and strops about the existence of siblings, not because she wants me, because she doesn't want them.

She is capable of seeking out time alone when she needs it. So we mostly just exist in the same house. That's teenagers I believe.