DD 14 sleep issues

[30ishiwish]

2 years ago, our neighbour’s DS had an all night party which disturbed DD’s sleep. She then spent the next nine months wandering around the house every night, coming to our room up to 40 times, waking us to tell us that she couldn’t sleep. She literally stayed awake all night. We tried baths, lavender, counselling, EFT tapping, melatonin, sleep apps, aromatherapy, herbal remedies, Paul McKenna ‘I will make you sleep’, breathing and relaxation techniques and the doctor even prescribed diazepam as we were on our knees. Nothing worked until we put a lock on our bedroom door and she literally stopped and retuned to a normal sleep pattern overnight.

Last week, a warehouse alarm at a local farm, sounded all night, keeping us all awake. DD has now started wandering around the house again, going to and from the bathroom, standing outside our bedroom door. She won’t stay in bed. We’ve tried locking our bedroom door again but she just goes to her room and starts wailing, loudly, until we go to her. Last night, she went into her younger siblings room, crying until they woke up and we went to her.

She’s 14, very bright and mature. She has a great group of friends and can’t think of any reason for it. She said that when she can’t sleep, she feels anxious, worries about not sleeping and then can’t sleep.

The sleep deprivation we are experiencing as a family is terrible. She announced this morning, at 5:15, after being awake most of the night, that there was little point sleeping as we get up at 6:30 anyway.

I wonder if by trying to help, I have made the situation worse. I understand that she is anxious about sleeping, but it’s as though everything we suggest or try doesn’t work because she doesn’t want it to. I actually watched her fall asleep in the consultant’s chair using the tapping technique but she refused to use the technique at night.

Any suggestions?

Wow that sounds so difficult ... I feel for you. It’s like she’s with holding sleep a little like a control mechanism, helping her exert control over something Perhaps talking it through with a psychologist or counsellor could help her or you? If you can afford it perhaps go private straight away? Good luck.

Have you tried a weighted blanket and white noise? I have anxiety and some minor sleep issues and these two things have worked super well! weighted blankets are great for people with anxiety and sleeping issues I got mine on amazon for under £40. Good luck!

My daughter went through this at about the same age. Got her an appt with CAMHS which was not v useful apart from being told that apparently it is not uncommon. It passed after about 6-12 months. Not v helpful when you are in the thick of it, I know, except to know that it is likely to pass. Good luck.

Does she have some additional needs?
If not then she's old enough to understand that she can't wander round the house all night, waking the whole household

Will she consider reading/ doing some art type project or whatever in her bedroom at night? Something calming. I'd even consider allowing a film or tv series providing not too action packed! But whatever it is, she must do it quietly in her room.

Sounds like it's the anxiety that keeps pinging her out of her bedroom though and you obviously can't lock her in

Wailing loudly to wake you all up though night after night sounds like some form of special needs to me though so it's going to be a case of managing this anxiety which is the root cause of it all

Do what you did before and get a lock and ignore it?

Thank you for your replies. She has been told that she can read if she is having trouble dropping off but she won’t. She doesn’t have additional needs - she’s incredibly gifted and an avid reader.

I will have a look into white noise and a weighted blanket. Everything we have tried so far hasn’t work because my Dd won’t give it time. She has had blood tests this week to check for any underlying medical reason for why she can’t sleep which have all come back perfectly fine. We’ve had emails from one of her teachers yesterday telling us how wonderful she is and how her work in maths is fantastic. I don’t know how she is functioning. I know it will pass eventually, as it did last time, but we are all so exhausted.I can’t believe this is happening again - all because of a warehouse alarm.

We still lock our bedroom door, but she wails either outside our door or in her room until we go to her. We just tell her to go to sleep and stay in bed, she gets no attention or conversation.

FelicityFlamingo I think you are right - I think the anxiety is why she keeps getting out of bed. This is why I have spoken to the GP. They had to rule out underlying medical issues. Not sure what the next steps will be yet.

We had the same with ds(16) couple of years ago, then he started sleep walking and having strange conversations with us. Once he came in panicked because he had lost his phone (it was in the usual place in his bedroom charging), another time he wanted to know why I was wearing a hat (I never wear hats), another time I heard him going downstairs and found him sitting on the sofa and he didn't know why he was there, once he walked in at 2am with a towel around him and went in to use the ensuite shower.

He has a double bed, so when he came through either dh or I would go through and lie with him and he'd soon drop off again. He would never remember in the morning anything that happened.

Thankfully he grew out of it after about a year. I can remember as child lying awake really worried about things, imaging all sorts, I think it comes in growth phases.

Would it help if you let her sleep on a mattress on the floor in your room.
She won't want to forever but it could help her feel more secure.
(We had a similar experience a few years ago & seeked advice)

Its maybe not the right approach but i would have very little time for a 14 yr old wailing outside my door in the middle on the night. They would very firmly be told that it would not be tolerated and punishment would follow.

I would use the ignore tactic for not sleeping. Ie if she doesnt sleep she stays in her room. If she talks about the fact she hasnt slept i would not engage. Im sure she would soon snap out if it if everyone wasn't fussing about it so much