suddenly moving an anxious teen

[52andblue]

My ds, 15, is in his GCSE year.
At an awful Academy school, bullied and poor academic performance
He has Autism and Dyslexia - is v bright but hopeless on paper /exams. Miserable, no friends, about to start anxiety meds.

I have the option to move him to Scotland.
Back to his old house and village (where we weren't esp happy tbf)
For financial reasons this is our only option atm and will have to go back next year anyway, barring a miracle

I know that sudden moves re anxiety / ASD are a big NO.
But if I leave it till the summer he is likely to fail GCSE's anyway and will not get his results till the month after the scottish schools go back so a big mess about changing subjects.

I am terrified of moving him now. But also scared about next summer.

What to do? :(

If we went back to Scotland now he' be assessed for GCSE equivalent and if they didnt feel he was up to it he'd get the category below.
And no exams - all that might help.

But the level of change re ASD and Anxiety is terrifying.
He had been hurting himself in his current setting which resulted in an OD a few weeks back due to his ex girlfriend being vile. He's better now but I am still scared of putting any stress on him at all right now.

Could you pull him out of school and educate at home - regardless of where home is?

My Autistic son is just 17 so we had the disaster that was last year for GCSE's.

For us, he coped surprisingly well with being presented with the facts, the choices and my recomendations for what we do at each stage whilst he got to voice his opinion.

I went through the options and one was to consider post 16 options available, including writing off the year and resitting. I believe Scotland have announced no exams this year - it might be worth reading up on how they will manage post 16 applications. If higher education is likely and you could get past attainment refferences from school would he be able to almost jump onto a higher course come next September.

If it wasn't for your sons ASD would Scotland be your plan? I've often felt like a third class citizen with everyone elses needs coming first especially with a child who has additional needs. Its really important to remember if you're happy and supported you're in the best place to provide happiness and support for your DS.

He cant cope with 'school work' at home. It has to be in School.
Very black and white thinking.

I have tried to involve him in the decision making but he is now so anxious he just wants me to decide. My job: but I'm anxious too, that it will prove too much for his MH and we will have (another) crisis.

Yes with no ASD it would be the Scottish school
But, with it.... and a sudden change ... and Covid restrictions on support
Yikes...

Covid restrictions on support?

I believe from whispers I've picked up on that some responsibilities by some authorities and some schools are being wriggled out of.

Its not true of every where and every service. I know at the school my DH teaches at the support staff are working almost round the clock to help support those that need it and pastoral care for anxiety is a very full time role for many support workers.

They key then is will the Scottish school and local authority be doing that wiggling or do they have a SENCO thats up providing the support needed?

Do you ever get involved in the National Autistic Society (NAS)? If you could find the local support group for the Scotland area you're looking at you might be able to get a few contacts and make a few enquiries to put things in place.

Very personal question and of course you don't have to respond but do you have an EHCP in place and DLA?

No EHCp but yes, DLA.

'Support reduced' = they have shut the usual 'cosy cafe' place that kids with SN / SEN can go. Little discussion of what support might be available until we enrol, despite a number of emails and 2 phone calls.
Very pleasant, will 'do all we can' but nothing specific at all.
No SENco system in Scotland. They'd have a 'pastoral lead' though.
(2nd, younger child also ASD)

DLA is great because it gives you that immediate evidence that should open some doors (with a good shoulder barge if necessary).

I'd start with information gathering at the local council, speak with schools inclusion (do they have that in Scotland - there must be an equivalent) to discuss funding level and also social care to see if you can possibly get a family advocate / family support worker to help with school liaison and shoulder some of the load in your transition phase (whether its this year or next). My current area also have a family liaison service who signpost to the right people - it wasn't in my last area but it was amazing at helping when we moved.

Whilst I really appreciate you have a big load at present if EHCP's are relevant in Scotland (sorry don't know the system) it could be worth starting the parent application as they take a young persons support through to 25. Even if you don't move this is something else worth considering.

I've just been doing a bit of googling and ENQUIRE look like they'd be worth calling.

Also › topics › support-for-carers Care Info Scotland looks like respite care could be an option and this intimates that local councils do offer respite. Respite in my local area doesn't have to be over night it can be out of house support doing an activity for a few hours a week.

I’m presuming no wriggle room on birthdate to go into 3rd year? Scottish Autism are helpful. No Nat 5 exams this year so it’s not the worst time to move him by a long shot.

Also start by reading the GIRFEC framework. It’s handy for knowing what language to use to get a support plan in place.

And read this - I’d move him before the transfer to pip
www.gov.scot/publications/scottish-government-position-paper-child-disability-payment/

No wriggle room for 3rd year no, sadly.
He is 16 this month, so S4 it has to be.

@BaseDrops - yes, it would be better re DLA for both children potentially.

I am just SO worried about the strain on him.

16 this month would put him in S5. Current S4 is March 2003 to feb 2004. I can’t see why with no GCSEs he wouldn’t go into S4 though. It’s all going to be assessment based for nat 5s which should give him a decent go at it. Lots of scope for support under AAAs (SQA). Scribe, reader, laptop.

Have you spoken to the school?
The thing is long drawn out waiting for change is at least as terrible as a swift change. Worst case scenario is a patchy year where you get CAMH, school support etc and then you’ve got various options come next august.
The current S4s depending on where you are had a hellish S3 but they don’t start the nat 5 curriculum until S4 and lots of them have been in and out of school self-isolating this term.

I’d bite the bullet and move. He’s already miserable, that’s not going to improve with anticipatory anxiety floating about knowing he is moving in the future.

Hi @BaseDrops
Yes have spoken to school. Defo S4 entry.
Really worried as he'd be joining halfway through Nat 5 course so they've said he might have to do Nat 4's :(
but I think his chances at GCSE here are poor, and then he'd be late for joining S5 next year