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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Daughter really struggling with social skills

4 replies

Mumofone2007 · 14/10/2020 09:55

This is the first time I have posted on a forum so please forgive me if I make a mistake. My daughter is so shy and really struggles with making friends and having conversations with people, not just her peers at school but also family members that she doesn't see regularly, her teachers, doctors etc. This situation has been going on for many years, probably since year 3 at primary school. I'm starting to think it's more than just shyness and I don't know what to do to help her. When she knows someone well she has no problems with communicating. She had a really hard time starting at secondary school last year and didn't make any friends for weeks. Then finally she made a friend and everything seemed to settle down. Ever since going back to school her friend has joined with others to form a big group, so now she feels that no one listens to her. Yesterday she came home and told me that she asked the group to wait for her after they had eaten lunch but they didn't they went off and left her. She got really upset and sat by herself for the rest of lunch, they came back over to her to find out what was wrong but she wouldn't tell them. Then this morning her original friend texted her and asked if she was okay again. I advised my daughter that she should explain to her friend how she felt yesterday because she may not realise how she upset her. She refused to do this because it would be awkward to have that conversation. I have tried to send her to after school activities but it was the same in those situations as well, she just could not make friends. We have been referred to CAMHS and she has been sent to an anxiety group but she refused to do the work that was needed. She is also on the waiting list for an autism assessment. If she won't follow my advice then what more can I do, any ideas?

OP posts:
Sweetchillijam · 14/10/2020 18:26

Personally, I think a conversation like that might back fire it shouldn’t but it could, teenage girls can be so cruel. How old is your DD? She sounds a lot like my DD who is 15 in year 11. Its not easy but she has now found a small group of friends. They are all quiet girls, definitely not mainstream or popular but all look out for one another. DD seems to be obsessed with one of them who is her best friend but she may have a crush on her (but don’t think she is at all bothered about the rest of them). Her attitude at home is terrible but she seems happy with her friends after she was bullied in year 8. Good luck OP. 💐

Mumofone2007 · 14/10/2020 19:23

@Sweetchillijam Thanks for the reply, it was her 13th yesterday so I'm hoping as she gets older her confidence will grow. Teenage girls are definately cruel, I keep trying to steer her towards friendships with boys because I found they are so much easier to get along with.

OP posts:
Sweetchillijam · 14/10/2020 19:58

Ultimately my DD found her own way. She had three friends from around the corner in year 7 and 8 who I thought were lovely they were at ours and she was at theirs all the time but they totally turned on her. I tried to help but they were sneaky, school were inept and the whole thing took a life on its own which I think she blamed me for and lost trust in me after this.

The friends she is with now I have little or no involvement with and she does her utmost to make sure it stays that way. I have met them and they all seem very quiet. I just want her to get through her GCSE year unscathed.

Its not easy and I am still in the midst of things with DD. Take care x

MollynAlly · 14/10/2020 22:00

My daughter used to be how you explained, since she was little she has always been shy with adults even with family members at times but she was always hyper and getting along with her own age group only. As she grew older and started secondary school she tried a few friendship groups and eventually settled with a group of four who are a bit like her but more outspoken than my DD, more confident then the group eventually got bigger with boys and more girls joining in, my DD didn't like it she says she is more comfortable in smaller groups! Again the larger group split up and them four again got each other, this has been going on since year 7, she is 15 now things just got settled now they seem to accept who they are and know each other- she also goes to all girls school- so many dramas trust me it has been a roller coaster

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