Daughter moved to her dads

[uqueen]

Im struggling I miss her so much, I talk to her a lot but it's not the same, my heart doesn't feel full, like something is missing, my partner doesn't have any kids so he doesn't understand, I want to feel happy again, anyone gone through similar, my ex was controlling, serial cheater, manipulative, destroyed me financially and a brainwasher, so I feel his trying to distance us from each other

Why did she move out? Has she said?

Yeah she originally went there to stay because her dad split up with his girlfriend and was really upset and didn't want to be alone, then he wanted her to move in for good so she did

How old is she and how often are you seeing her?

16, I see her at least once a week, we FaceTime more, i think it was just a shock because it was so sudden, before he split with his girlfriend, my daughter and her brother, hardly saw him maybe, see him a weekend every two or three months, he would never call her or message, my daughter would always say dad never messages me I always have to message him, so I never saw it coming

Sounds like her dad has manipulated her too, grown man needing his child there because he can’t be alone, pathetic.

Yeah I think it too, he let her smoke, drink till she's vomiting, smoke marijuana, no rules, it kills me watching from afar, I don't like it, but if I say anything she doesn't talk to me for days,

Bide your time. She'll be back. As soon as he gets a new girlfriend he won't want her around...

She just stay with him because he has no rules. Is your son still with you.
Enjoy time with him
Your dd will come back

She will come back to you

Perhaps she likes the fact that he is being a bit more laisse fair. (Excuse spelling.). But how long will that last till they both decide to put in some rules. if she smoking there I expect she was smoking when with you just not in your sight. REspect her choice and leave the door open.

Yes my son is still with me, his an excellent boy, wise beyond his years, he has aspergers, and his dad has never understood him, I am loving spending time with him, his a lot like me, and my daughter is a lot like her dad, I don't mind that's she's living with him, I just I miss her so much and wish he was more responsible, she stays home all day won't find a job, or do a course, he thinks that's ok to sit at home on the dole for the rest of her life

I really think she will be back , the novelty of no rules will soon wear thin. No rules equates to not caring and she will soon realise that. My son went to his dads at that age , he lasted 6 weeks. Meanwhile just keep doing what your doing - communicating and leaving the door wide open for her.

I'm sorry you're going through this, I have been through the same and it's so painful. She will probably know she's taking advantage of the 'Disney Dad' syndrome, but she will not respect him for it. Keep up the contact, be her parent, try not to let her see your pain (hard I know). It will blow over. Mine came back and sees him for what he is now - with only his own self-esteem at heart.

Thanks everyone, appreciate it, I hope my heart feel full again one day, I would never not stay in contact, love my kids

@uqueen

Yeah I think it too, he let her smoke, drink till she's vomiting, smoke marijuana, no rules, it kills me watching from afar, I don't like it, but if I say anything she doesn't talk to me for days,

I was going to say it's actually a lovely reflection on her that she is nurturing and caring even though shouldnt have to be for a parent. Then I read this message - he's placing her in a dangerous and vulnerable situation, have you had a sit down talk with her to discuss that you're worried in a calm and loving way? I would be so worried and anxious about her so totally get how you feel

Yes I have, I do generally get along with him for the kids, I don't like him, but he is there dad and I wanted it civil for them so I have discussed this with both of them, he just say it's alright what can I do, it's just fun, he has always drank a lot, he got heavy into the ice when we were together, gambled, many affairs, he is a narcissist, it wasn't good at the start when we separated I had to get a violence order, my daughter called the police many time when he turned up on drug threatening me, but 6 years on and I put that all behind me, and now here I am my daughter has gone to live with him with her huge heart, I wouldn't mind if he was a good parent but he isn't

Keep the lines of communication open but be very alert to what she tells you about the drinking, weed-smoking etc. Keep records of what she tells you. Of course you miss her but it’s her well-being that you need to focus on right now.

Surely she’s a NEET and should still be in education if she isn’t working?

Does your Dp live with you?
When did he move in?
Was living with a new adult in the household a factor?

But sending OP.

My guess is she will be back. Play it cool.

Yes his lived with us for a couple of years, they got along ok, he is more of a friend then a parent role, he stays out of it, just small talk, I think it was her dads loneliness that pulled her there