Dd meeting online friend.

[Doyouknowwhat]

Dd is 17. She has been talking online to a friend of a friend for a few years. He is an 18 year old boy.
He is just moved to our town in England from his home country for university.

He has completed 2 weeks quarantine, and now wants to meet her.
Am I over protective to insist on going with for this first meeting?
I won't actually be with them, but, for example, if they go to McDonald's, I'll also go there, with ds, and sit on the other side of the restaurant, just to keep my eye on them.
I just feel that, although he probably is who he said he is, in the back of my mind I keep thinking "what if he is a 50 year old groomer?"

Am I being sensible or way over the top?

She’s 17, insisting on actually being present at the first meeting seems OTT.

Could you not drop her outside, ask her to pop out once she’s confirmed it’s him and then you can leave? Sitting a few tables away with her little brother is pretty intrusive.

Has she spoken to his face - FaceTime or Zoom? Is their mutual
friend legit? Are they meeting in a public place? Will she tell you where, and is she sensible enough to 'go to the loo' if she gets a weird feeling and phone you to come and get her?

Mutual friend is legit, a girl she was at school with for 5 years. But how this girl knows this boy is all very unsure.

I dont know if they have spoken or facetimed, probably not, as dd is v shy and hated that sort I'd thing, she much rather type than talk.

Only you know your daughter but at 17 she could be living independently or as a student away from home herself and meeting lots of new people.

I think going with her is a bit OTT, but so long as they're meeting in a public place, she will be able to leave freely if something is off.

Tell her NOT to go back with him to his place, and that you're only a call away if she needs to be picked up.

If he tries to take away, tell her to make as much of a fuss as possible.

I'm sure it's FINE, and he is who he says he is, but I think the above should all be talked about before you meet someone you've never met.

Thanks everyone, I think you have made me see I'm being a bit silly.
She is v sensible, but only just turned 17, and never usually goes out anywhere. She wont be able to go to his, dont think, I doubt his uni halls will let non residents in at this time.
I think I'll drop her off and arrange wait for her to give me the thumbs up before I drive off.

You're not being silly at all. When DS wanted to do this we insisted on dropping him off and strolling by to check the person he said he was meeting was the age they claimed to be. I also went and had coffee in a cafe nearby so if he needed an exit, I was around. I'd rather annoy DC and be seen as over protective than risk letting them sail off into the sunset with a stranger who could be dangerous.

DS has made loads of friends online and met up with them in real life, as have I, so I approve of it as a way to meet people, but you do have to be extra careful. Breck Bednar lived near us and his story still haunts me. His 'friend' was only 19 too. They don't have to be seedy middle aged men to be dangerous.

I'd drop her off, get her to come back and tell you he is who he says he is and still stay in a nearby cafe until the meet up is over. I've spent hours and hours hanging around central London so DS could socialise safely. Time well spent imo.

Thank you monkeyonthetable, your post makes a lot of sense.

When it comes to checking he's the appropriate age, then I'd have thought your 17yo dd can do that for herself.

When it comes to checking he's not an 18yo creep, then I don't think you'd be in a position to make a better judgment of that from a table at the other end of McDonalds than she will by actually talking to him

The important thing here imho is to support and encourage your dd not to sail into the sunset but to treat this as a pleasant social occasion in a public place. Make her accept that she won't be going off with him anywhere at this first meeting, help her think out a socially acceptable way of telling him this firmly, let her have a code word she can use if she wants to be picked up unobtrusively but swiftly.

Thanks everyone. In the end he came here and they sat in the garden, moving to the conservatory when it rained, social distancing.
ExH and ds were in the house the whole time, but obviously not in the same room. ExH reports that he is a normal seeming teenage boy, so all is good.

18 year olds are still capable of grooming, abusing and raping.

Thanks user, that's so useful and reassuring!

The same could be said of any other friend of hers, should I stop trusting anyone who she hasnt known since the age of 3? Or could they be a danger too?

With that attitude, I wouldn't ever let her make a new friend again.!

I think you should go with her. If I was meeting someone from the internet I wouldn't go alone, it's far too risky

If you read my update, WildWaterSwimmer, you will see.that he came.here.