13 year old son and settling into UK life

[mamamia2020]

We are moving back to the UK in December to NW Leicestershire from the Middle East. My son has lived here since he was 18 months old but until this year visited the UK for two months each summer.
He is only just 13, nearly 5ft 10 with size 10 feet but has only just started going through puberty, his voice hasn't broken yet. He is a very kind boy and well behaved.

Living in a conservative country, children here never whisper to each other about the birds and the bees as it's just not the 'done thing'. I had to sit him down a year ago and give him some sex education as he was completely oblivious (not just faking it, no clue whatsoever).We had chickens who he saw mating and was starting to ponder whether that is how humans procreate i.e the male getting on the ladies back for two seconds . He is not remotely streetwise and has no idea what is cool and what isn't.

He is not very sporty although has been doing jogging lately. He enjoys a bit of gaming and plays with a couple of friends. We have a dog who he loves and is looking forward to exploring the British countryside with when we arrive. He is a sweet boy for example for his little brother's birthday this week he designed a breakfast menu and prepared and served him with a birthday breakfast.
Where we are moving to we know nobody and I am so worried that he will struggle. British 13-year-olds seem so streetwise in comparison.
Coupled with a pandemic, my stomach lurches when I think about it.
Please, share your stories of your own not so streetwise teenagers.

That sounds really tough!

I'd say throwing him into a typical comprehensive when you move back, he'll get eaten alive. My 11 year old DS goes to a 'naice' school and they've all heard of porn etc already, so I can only imagine what year 9 is like.

Does he have any family friends the same age in the UK who can tell him what school is like here and what is 'cool' at the moment so that he doesn't stand out too much? I think its really important to not be labelled a 'weirdo' or whatever in the first few weeks, it can lead to bullying which will have long term consequences.

Sorry I know this is not what you want to hear, bit it's really important to be prepared.

Goodness, that sounds tough. Have you already got a school place for him?

At 13 most kids are on social media, and have access to all sorts of inappropriate stuff online. It's not right, but it is what it is.

Bumping for you OP, although you might want to put this into Chat as it gets a lot more traffic!

I fear I have made him sound completely out of touch. He is a normal kid who likes gaming, youtubers , Starwars etc just that life here is a little more sheltered than back in the UK. Basically, children don't grow up fast here. When I see posts on Mumsnet sometimes of 13 years olds having boyfriends/girlfriends etc it wouldn't even cross his mind. Aside from that , he has a strong sense of self, he just hasn't had access to things like porn nor would conversations take place between friends about sexual things. I've given him sex ed now but he would just never talk about this sort of stuff with friends etc.

But surely he would have had the sex ed talk at primary school?

Nope - they do it in the first year of middle school here. He is only just the beginning of Year 8 as turned 13 this month. I talked to him about it in what would have been the last year of primary school.

Remember this is a country where sex before marriage is not the norm and kept hidden, it's unusual to live with someone before marriage.

He will do quite a lot of growing up quite quickly when he arrives.
The only thing I can say is be true to himself. There is no point making yourself out to be something you are not, because then you dont find the friends who cherish you for who you are. It will be tough. He will grow, learn and change for it. He WILL find friends.
You may have to teach him road safety (like stop, look listen), you've caught onto the sex ed. School not closing when it rains..... Frost isnt snow. Frost means it is COLD, and short sleeves arent enough to walk to school if its white outside. Online safety is another one.

How 'naice' is the area you are moving to? Mine were younger, but have been fine. It will work out. Happy packing, safe travels!

To be honest NW Leicestershire is not the same as Central London. And lockdown will make everything "different". Lots of young people don't have boyfriends or girlfriends at 13 - and some do.
I'd probably get him to watch some kids TV and films that are aimed at teenagers (the one I'd recommend despite being American and a bit old now and girl focused is "Mean Girls"), and discuss it with him. I'd probably also get a Biology revision guide to make sure he is up to date with the school stuff about Sex etc. Also do be open and let him know he can ask you anything and you won't judge.
But also just let him be himself.

He sounds very much like my 13 year old ds. I felt a larger comp was actually best for him as this way he had more chance of finding people like him. It was a gamble but it's paid off. He's certainly not in the 'cool' gang, and would have probably been eaten alive in our local, smaller, comp, however he has found like minded people and gets by. I would try and get him into local clubs where he will meet people who enjoy similar things to him.

@Hairyfairy01
I don't expect nor want him to be in the 'cool' gang either. I'm hoping he'll find some nice, slightly geeky friends who are not grown up beyond their years.
@MollyButton
Thanks for that. We're homeschooling until our (delayed) December move. We've gone over the Biology stuff from the Science books. Perhaps he knows more than he lets on? He barely asked me any questions about sex growing up so I had to breach the subject as he didn't trigger off any discussions.

@RedCatBlueCat
I had to laugh at your comment about schools not shutting when it rains. That is exactly what happens on the one day a year/two years when it might rain for 30 minutes.

Yes, it happens in the ME, but it definitely doesnt happen in England. Can you imagine how many days they would be off school??!!

Not sure you can generalise about children in the UK. I have four children and none of them have had underage sex, roam around, do drugs or alcohol or talk about porn. They are definitely not streetwise.

I must say they are way more Conservative than we were as children and I was brought up in strict no sec before marriage religious country but were up to all sorts behind our parents back... And that was 30 years ago.

All their friends are decent children/young people, who work hard, play games, are involved in music, sport and/or fairly neutral pursuits and still enjoy family life in their teens. Hope this reassures you

They don't roam around the streets or are in cool gangs. I assume it entirely depends on the school you choose and the areas you live in.

He sounds like a lovely young boy. I will say although a lot of 13 year olds are more street wise, there are always boys and girls who are more welcoming of all sorts of people. He might find a comfortable group with kids like this if he shares interests with them.

Op, I promise you, there will be other children his age who are also into the same things he is. He'll be ok.

Sounds like my nearly 12 year old.
He had a girlfriend for a bit but said he wasn't ready.
Interested in anime, gaming and sport.

There's nothing wrong with him. I'm sure you will have some interesting conversations about growing up/growing up too fast.

Don't feel under pressure and let him bloom.

Covid dependent of course but you have some time to get him into clubs and activities where he can make friends which will really help his transition. Don’t worry too much about the sex Ed stuff, things like the right brand of schoolbag are probably more important in fitting in- before he enrols try to spy on the relevant school kids and see what bags and shoes they have. Climbing and skateboarding are good activities for him to get into and are generally welcoming communities - a few lessons might be a good start? Cadets can also be a good way of meeting people and having an active social life.
Enjoy him while you can as in a year he will probably be very different!

Well my 13 yo DS is quiet, kind of geeky, not remotely street wise and goes to a comp in a rough area. He hasn't been 'eaten alive'. He's settled well and found a nice bunch of equally geeky non streetwise kids. Some of you need to step foot outside your 'naice' (FFS ) areas once in a while. Shocking I know but there are plenty of decent kids in bog standard comprehensives on council estates.

OP, it honestly doesn't sound like your DS is going to be a total fish out of water. I'm sure it'll be a big upheaval moving but he doesn't sound that different to my kid and he's just fine.

@yellowmaoampinball

Well my 13 yo DS is quiet, kind of geeky, not remotely street wise and goes to a comp in a rough area. He hasn't been 'eaten alive'. He's settled well and found a nice bunch of equally geeky non streetwise kids. Some of you need to step foot outside your 'naice' (FFS ) areas once in a while. Shocking I know but there are plenty of decent kids in bog standard comprehensives on council estates.

OP, it honestly doesn't sound like your DS is going to be a total fish out of water. I'm sure it'll be a big upheaval moving but he doesn't sound that different to my kid and he's just fine.

This 100%. My 12 year old and his geeky mates are very similar to the poster above, and he goes to a standard/rough (I HATE this phrase) comp in a standard area.

I might get him watching UK gamers and having a look at some UK kids of his age on tiktok to give him a bit of an idea of what’s ‘in’ in the Uk.

My DS is 13, kind of geeky maybe. In an inner city comp. Not particularly streetwise but he keeps up I think. A nice boy. He does fine. Hope your move goes well and your DS settles in quickly.