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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Ok, wise been-there-done-that mums of teenagers - smoking?What to do?

32 replies

happystory · 09/10/2007 19:44

Ds aged 15 is buying the odd cigarette or two and smoking them when out with mates.I am so disappointed, though I know in my heart of hearts it's just a teenage try-anything-once-kind of thing, and also an attempt to look cool.

We are pretty liberal parents in lots of ways but he knows we hate smoking, not least because my FIL died a horrble death from lung cancer.

We've done the conversation about his health, his love of sport, all that - and still I keep catching him out (he's a crap liar which I guess is a good thing)

So, ignore, heavy parent, wait and hope it will pass- which?

OP posts:

tuftyclub · 09/10/2007 22:27

bribe him with the most expensive thing you can afford, and say if he is a non smoker at the age of ??? and he is a long term proven non smoker to boot, you will get him it! if nowt else works try bribery.

brimfull · 09/10/2007 22:29

tell him that girls hate the smell and taste of it.

brimfull · 09/10/2007 22:30

where is he getting them from,don't you need to look 18 to buy them now.

colditz · 09/10/2007 22:32

cut all funds pronto - it's the only thing that would have stopped me. I was a casual smoker at 15, but in the end it took patches in my 20's, a bout of pleurousy and persistant bronchitis (which has permenantly weakened my chest) to make me quit. try to stop him now - he'll thank you in 40 years when his mates are all dying from it.

PS - I won't even countenance a man who smokes.

sallystrawberry · 09/10/2007 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

happystory · 10/10/2007 08:40

Sorry computer went strange after I posted last night, didn't realise the conversaton had started!

Well, some boys who went abroad on hols brought some back and are selling them singly at school, or rather, on the bus, so i doubt the school could do anything.

Friends have suggested the smoking-a-pack thing though, sally. Bad idea?

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DoctorFrankenSquonk · 10/10/2007 08:47

smoking a pack - very bad idea. Once he gets over feeling sick and dizzy (in about 2 mins) he will want another one. Tis the quickest way to get him addicted.

Remind him of that Russian bloke that died from polonium poisoning last year.... polonium is in cigarettes.

Tell him that in this country, a lot of pesticides are banned because they are very harmful to health. But where the tobacco that goes into cigarettes are grown - no such restrictions are in place, so his cigarettes also contain banned pesticides.

Tell him that cigarettes contain arsenic.

Tell him that nicotine in itself is a very powerful poison.

Tell him that if he starts and continues to smoke, he may lose his legs.

Tell him that diseases like emphysema are virtually unheard of outside the smoking community, yet very common inside it.

Ask him if he needs you to get him some patches or nicotine gum and if he wants them, get them for him.

These are the things that helped me quit last year - you could also tell him that I started as a teenager and smoked continuously for 26 years before I managed to give up.

Hope this helps
(sorry it's so long)

DoctorFrankenSquonk · 10/10/2007 08:54

forgot to even mention the carbon monoxide that is in them!

Original poster

happystory · 10/10/2007 09:03

Thank you. Am going to show him this tonight. Don't think he's serious about it yet but I want to nip it in the bud pronto

OP posts:

DoctorFrankenSquonk · 10/10/2007 09:04

if he finds he does want to give up, but finds it difficult, let me know... I have loads of coping strategies and tips on actually giving up

Original poster

happystory · 10/10/2007 09:05

And meant to add well done for giving up, that must have been difficult

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DoctorFrankenSquonk · 10/10/2007 09:07

the most difficult thing I've ever done.

Tis (imo) like being an alcoholic - I will always be a smoker, but at the moment I don't smoke iykwim

EmilyDavidson · 10/10/2007 09:11

My dd was smoking reasonably regularly when she was 14 , she even had her own lighter . We told her all the downsides but i think the only one that had any effect was saying it would ruin her looks, which is probably something that girls care about more than boys ? After having the big talk we totally ignored it ,which is quite hard to do, but knowing my own daughter if I had kept on about it she would have been more determinded to keep doing it.

It was a phase ,it died out after about 6 months and I'm pretty sure she hasnt done it for the last two years (her brother would grass her up lol)

zippitippitoes · 10/10/2007 09:13

tell him he is trapping himself into a very expensive habit work out how much it costs to smoke even ten a day and what elses he could do with the money and what a chore it can be

sadly it does have its attractions which no exsmoker will deny

i went to a party a couple of weeks ago and it took about a nano second of people offering me for me to accept and im 50..i just thought tonight ill smoke and then ill stop again...well thats what i did but bloody hell i was annoyed with myself the next day i hadnt had any for over 18 months

but i used to be a social smoker

Original poster

happystory · 10/10/2007 09:31

I did wonder about the ignoring it, emily. It seems to be one argument after another at the moment and achieving nothing. Maybe the fact that we've been quite laid back about other things has caused him to find something he can rebel against?

Bloody 'ell, this parenting lark doesn't get any easier....

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Boysarenteasy · 10/10/2007 09:40

My boys were always anti-smoking when younger. I can remember DS2 crying and pleading with his grandmother to give up because it would kill her. Well grandmother did give up, and DS2 started at about 13. The older kids sell cigs in the playground for 50p each. I tried reasoning, ignoring, every strategy I could think of. He's still smoking now, and doesn't want to give up. Neither of us have ever smoked and DS1 is still completely anti. It seems that just about all of DS2's friends do it, but DS1's friends never have.
Of course, things have been made a little difficult just recently, as DS2 can now no longer buy from the local garage as the age-limit has changed! He has to go further afield where they don't know his age! (he looks 25, but is 17). Ha ha ha, I say!

Pimmpom · 10/10/2007 09:59

It certainly doesn't get any easier!

I can understand ignoring things in some cases but with smoking there is the chance the longer it goes on, the harder it will be to give up.

Really play on the point that girls do not like the smell or taste of smoke.

Piffle · 10/10/2007 10:00

Drill it into him, somehow
I started like that and it took me til age 30 to stop. Aside from pregnancy which he'll never be able to use...

Wisteria · 10/10/2007 10:41

I don't think there is a correct answer to this as what works for one won't for another etc. I've smoked for years - tried my first one at 9, I now have 1 or2 roll ups a day and am quite happy with that. My parents tried nearly everything without success because, put quite simply, all my friends did it and in the world of 'teenagerdom' that is the most powerful reason to carry on.

Sadly, no matter what you do at this age, his friends will have more influence.

I agree with all the fact giving, but essentially, if he is aware of all the health implications and still continues to smoke then it is his choice, however distressing it is for you.

The only one of my friends who was successfully cured of smoking by her father was forced to smoke 20 B&H one after the other in the cellar, along with bucket for the vomit - absolutely foul thing to do, my parents were horrified at the time but, looking back, I wish they'd done the same for me. She has never touched one again.

I think it is important to remember that to a teenager, health implications concerning their own mortality will not have the same effect as it does to an adult - after all, we all knew everything and were going to live forever; don't you remember ?

themoon66 · 10/10/2007 13:07

There is no answer that is going to work 100%

DD started smoking to 'impress' her older boyfriend who was a professional smoker. She wanted to look cool, older and more sophisticated I think. I always made a point of throwing her smoking materials away if I found them in the house. Lighters or fags in pockets of clothes for the wash.. in the bin.

DS hangs out with 'geeks' who do not drink or smoke, but do get through an awful lot of red bull and green and blacks organic chocolate

anyway... the good news is that since DD dumped the older boyfriend, smoking has stopped also.

I would say that parents have no influence whatsoever. Only friends and peers.

Original poster

happystory · 10/10/2007 13:15

Sadly, I think you are right. And as they can buy a few for not much money, unless I chain him to the house, there's probably no stopping him. I feel it may be the influence of a girl (either to look cool, or cos she smokes) Hopefully it'll be short lived.

thanks for everyone's experiences/advice.

Sigh

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crokky · 10/10/2007 13:17

I don't know the answer, but a friend of mine, who is 32, started smoking when he was 14 or 15. He says that it is impossible to quit, he just can't do it. He never thought it would be like this and he is full of regret that he ever started.

jesuswhatnext · 10/10/2007 15:35

is he earning his own money? - we have been here with dd, as an ex-smoker i was really pissed off with her!, if i cant afford to smoke i'm buggered if i'm funding her habit, the first time she was grounded for a week, the next time was for a month, if she is caught again, it's 6 months without parole!! and i bloody mean it!

sod the long term health problems, half a year stuck indoors with the 'rents' is far worse!

am new to mumsnet, really enjoying it, so good to here convos from other 'normal people' with 'normal kids'

DoctorFrankenSquonk · 10/10/2007 15:47

welcome jesuswhatnext (can't shorten it to jesus, it just seems "wrong") warning - this site is addictive as smoking!

Blandmum · 10/10/2007 15:51

Kids are crap at seeing the long term consequences of anything.

Actually thinking about it, most teenagers are not so hot at seeing the consequences of anything, long term or otherwise

Tell him that somking is one of the biggest causes of male impotence in the UK at present! That will make his eyes widen a bit. They may not think about dying but they do think about their old John Thomas.

Also tell him that the Big Tobacco companies have to pull in suckers like him to replace the 360 people who die each day from smoking in the UK. Does he want to be a pawn in their money making racket (go to his 'radical' I don't get fooled side)

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