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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Advice please

4 replies

Sadless · 23/09/2020 16:32

It's a long story but my son has moved out he's 15 years old and is now living with a friend and his family. The social services have done a private fostering agreement which I haven't agreed to but apparently I don't have a choice it's up to him where he lives. I spoke to him last week and he has told me they are buying him a moped for Christmas knowing that I would have said he wasn't allowed to while living here.
Thing is now when I see him around he ignores me completely.
I feel like that's it now I have lost my son he's picking living with some strangers over his family.
His girlfriend was put in to care in May for assaulting her mum. They had a good relationship then she met my son and at first really liked him. when her parents put limits in on stuff they didn't like it and police where called loads of times. She asked to go home and they said she could if she splits up with my son she has refused and is now in foster care local. She has been told she can stay there till shes 21 or when she gets pregnant.
That's what her dad found out they had been messaging each about planning a baby. He doesn't like having rules and where he's living it like home for 10 maybe. At home i make the kids put there phones on charge at night in the hallway and I know that he is posting on Instagram at 3. 30am in the morning there. I told the social worker about him sending nudes last year and I was concerned that if he has his phone constantly he might do the same again. She spoke to the mother and the mother said if she found him on it he would lose it for a day. Thats what my son said but then said she wouldn't any way. He told me that there had been an argument in the house about the mother sending pictures to some one online she's only 31.
The social don't take any thing you say seriously his girlfriends parents think my sons dangerous and to a point its true. His behaviour has got better while with her because he's not with the usual lads. But I had a old friends mother at the door a few weeks ago because my son and his friend had threatened her son. I think he knows he can't take trouble to there door because they don't have to keep him.
Its hard because I see him most days and it's like we don't exist anymore.

Sal

OP posts:
mightyducks · 25/09/2020 17:30

That sounds a really sad situation all around , I’m not sure exactly what is the problem you are wanting advice on though?

Kanaloa · 25/09/2020 17:36

If social services have already agreed to him staying there, I don’t think you can do much legally. I would just contact him and let him know when he wants to talk your door is open. He sounds like a very troubled young man but I don’t think you can force support on anyone unfortunately.

Sadless · 26/09/2020 22:36

I was told by the social worker after she did the assessment on him staying there to leave him to it and get on with my own life with the other kids.
Do I just leave it like this now?

Sal

OP posts:
Sadless · 06/10/2020 14:53

A quick update found out from a friend of his that they my son and his girlfriend have been trying for a baby and had a couple of miscarriages since July. I don't understand why kids at 15 years old think that's it's a good plan to do this. Also that he has been having sex in the bedroom with his girlfriend while his friend the 14 year old he's living with is in the room and the mother knows about it. The friend that told me said he can't believe she is letting them do stuff in therevand he's only just turned 15 and he knows it's not normal.
The. Social worker don't believe any thing you tell them and they think he's old enough to make decisions but his girlfriend is living with Foster parents in a way he is even when I don't approve and they are really trying for a baby.
I spoke to her dad in May about messages he had found about trying for a baby and I promised him it wouldn't be happening here. I did speak to both of them about it and basically said wait till your older and have a bit of a life first but they didn't listen.
Suppose I will probably find out sooner or later that she pregnant and don't know what will happen then.

Sal

OP posts:
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