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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

15 year old son gone awol following massive row...

14 replies

Dickorydockwhatthe · 16/09/2020 20:04

Is attitude stinks, he's full of rage, swearing, disrespectful and angry, he very much up and down. I've found out he's been smoking and basically has got into the wrong crowd who are older. I've taken his phone off him but now he's gone awol and threatening not to come back. He's squared up to dh, climbed over the fence when I tried to stop him. I've literally lost control and have no idea what to do 😔

OP posts:

HarrietSchulenberg · 16/09/2020 20:24

How long has he been gone?

Etinox · 16/09/2020 20:26

@HarrietSchulenberg

How long has he been gone?

@Dickorydockwhatthe

yeOldeTrout · 16/09/2020 20:34

the way I feel about my oldest teens right now would cause a strong "Good riddance!!" response if either of them did that, right now.

Hope you're feeling a little better, OP.

CathTurnbull · 16/09/2020 20:37

He’ll be back, try not to worry

Original poster

Dickorydockwhatthe · 16/09/2020 20:38

Over an hour, we made him stay for tea thinking he'd calm down and change his mind but his friends were calling and he was getting agitated. He just went mad as soon as we tried to stop him going dh tried locking the doors and ds has now broken the handle. He was so, so angry like he wanted to hit us or smash the door. I'm worried if dh finds him he will his dh or even do something stupid to himself😔. I came across a video on his insta and he was in a big gang with 2 lads fighting, he's been going bed past what I have said is a reasonable bed time on a school night, getting up stupid o'clock to walk to school, going out skipping meals, he's really moody and has admitted he doesn't feel himself. And now I've found out he's smoking, I know it could be worse but his whole personality has changed.

OP posts:

Original poster

Dickorydockwhatthe · 16/09/2020 20:40

He's speak horrible to his little brother calling him a twat and cunt. How can I ignore or tolerate that? It's like it's a different child 🙁

OP posts:

ODFOx · 16/09/2020 20:52

I feel for you OP. There's a series of threads on here for those of us who feel that our mental health is being impacted by our teens. The latest thread has an open letter, which basically outlines what our teens need from us even at their worst.
Good luck. Angry isn't going to help. It's about boundaries ( even if they appear to ignore them they still need them) and consistency. I'm not there yet but keep trying. ...it's all we can do.

yeOldeTrout · 16/09/2020 21:02

What was his personality like 6months ago?

Rosebud2005 · 16/09/2020 21:17

I can understand how worried you’ll be with the friends. Maybe the smoking thing you could work through in time. When he does return, let everyone calm down. You’re all too worked up tonight and like you said you don’t want anything getting out of hand. If you can, at a time when things are calm, can you try and explain your concerns to him? At this age they know it all... if you go down the road of getting it into him you are worried and care about his safety and health, it’s a starting point. Try keep it calm. Don’t react if he starts shouting or threatening.. it’s not easy. Good luck xx

Andi2020 · 16/09/2020 21:23

Hope he comes home safe.
Do you know where his friends live.

Etinox · 16/09/2020 21:54

Any news @Dickorydockwhatthe?
I’d be/ am relaxed about the smoking but he’s young to be out with you not knowing where he is angry. Police?

Original poster

Dickorydockwhatthe · 16/09/2020 22:37

Hi sorry, dh found him. He ended up dropping him to his friends then picking him up an hour later for him to cool down. Dh and I will speak tomorrow as both drained now. He's only been like it the last few weeks since going back to school, plus he has an on/off girlfriend so I think stress is an issue. It had to happen now with GCSE year.

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 16/09/2020 23:11

Is he smoking weed?

Prickly1 · 18/09/2020 17:46

Hey, I feel for you.

My son is 14 and we had a massive row 3 weeks ago. Massive meaning he was physically aggressive and I was so close to telling him not to come back. But I didnt...
I'm scared of him now and so is his sibling.

He has been round for clothes and stuff but he's staying at his grandparents. I think its going to be a permanent thing. Same situation as you hes been aggressive, threatening, rude, swearing, doesn't respect rules of the house etc. So the final straw was a few weeks ago and hes moved out.

I am not chasing him home as I think some time away will do us all the world of good. He is safe where he is and will be well looked after.

My suggestion would be to not blame yourself for this. My son has had a lovely stable childhood and yet has still managed to fall into the wrong crowd. He talks about fighting, gangs and weapons!! Its terrifying. But he is his own person and has to make his own mistakes. You can only guide him the best you can and im sure that you, like me, have done your best. I hope in time that this 'phase' will pass and things will be better x

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