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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teen sleepovers

18 replies

Fuzzywuzzyface · 12/09/2020 20:00

Currently having a battle of wills with DS13 who wants to go and sleepover at a mates.
DS has had a lot of freedom because he has proved he can be trusted.. he is always where he says he is, comes back at specified times etc.
He's done sleepovers before but always with families we know and we are now entering into new situations.
The issue now is that he wants to stay over with a family we dont know and of course we are the worst parents because we have said no!
How do other parents handle this? I dont want him spending the night in some random house but he has spent a lot of time with the same group of lads all summer.
I know he is growing up- last night he attended a party but we took him and collected him at 11.30.and although he wanted to sleep over he didnt protest too much when again we said no.

OP posts:
BlusteryShowers · 12/09/2020 20:03

I'm not a parent of a teen so my opinion isn't that valid but I think back to being Year 9, I don't think my parents were vetting my sleepovers.

Do you know the boy and do you like him?
Do you know where he lives?

Original poster
Fuzzywuzzyface · 12/09/2020 20:14

I couldn't necessarily pick the boy out in a group... he lives about a mile and a half away and I have no idea whether the parents are at home etc.

OP posts:
dancemom · 12/09/2020 20:21

Say yes but only if you can drop him off and speak to the parents at drop off?

FanSpamTastic · 12/09/2020 20:32

Have had this with my teen girls. My deal was that I needed a number for the parent. Then would call them (to make sure it was actually a parent!) to discuss arrangements - drop off time, pick up time etc but really to try and sound out if parents were going to be around!

BlusteryShowers · 12/09/2020 20:52

Yeah, I think it's fair to want to at least meet the lad.

Ifeelmuchlessfat · 13/09/2020 16:11

It’s irrelevant if you like him, your ds does. Personally I need to know I’ll have contact with my child if I need it, I message the parents and I drop off and pick up. Imo that’s most bases covered.

TeenMummy · 13/09/2020 22:45

Just consider we are in a pandemic and personally I have banned my two from going into houses and staying there.

Aramox · 14/09/2020 05:59

I would say no bc termtime and they don’t sleep, and also if it’s more than one person. Actually how do the new rules apply?

Aquamarine1029 · 14/09/2020 06:12

Stop worrying about making your son upset. You're the parent and you make the decisions based upon your judgment. He doesn't have to like it and he will get over it.

Tiltheend · 14/09/2020 06:19

If I wanted to stay out when I was that age I would have to give my mum all the details and she would speak to the parents and drop me off if it was the first time staying there. Those were the conditions, I could take it or leave it.

BitOfFun · 14/09/2020 06:20

It's not a random though- it's your son's friend. It's not usual to know all your child's pals once they're in secondary school, much less their parents.

If your DS is normally trustworthy, I'd allow him to go to a sleepover. Perhaps ask for the phone number of one of the parents and just check it's ok that he stays over?

user1493413286 · 14/09/2020 06:31

Ask for the parents number and drop them a text under the guise of giving them your number in case they needed it or drop him off and make sure that you see the parent

BananaLlamaConCalma · 14/09/2020 06:37

Does DS have a mobile? As long as he is contactable I don't see a problem?

I remember when I was in year 10 a friend and I asked my mum if she could stay at my house. She said of course, she would just need to speak to friends mum as they had never met but I was very close to this girl. My friend was so shocked that she needed to ask and her mum seemed equally shocked that someone would need confirmation that it was ok. I suppose people do things differently. She practically lived at my house after that 😂

Snakeplisskensmum · 14/09/2020 06:42

My DS is the same age and stayed at a friends last weekend...I've never met the parents. So I asked for their number, we exchange brief details and I dropped him off. No issue whatsoever.

movingonup20 · 14/09/2020 06:57

All I asked of my DD's is to have the full address and either the landline or one of the parents mobiles. Of course you won't always know their friends by that age

Angel2702 · 14/09/2020 07:07

At that age I wouldn’t expect to know the parents.

But at the moment I wouldn’t be letting mine into other people’s houses for sleepovers. They may be in contact at school all day but they are then in close contact with an entire other family. Now kids are back at school we need to be extra careful outside of school.

PinkPlantCase · 14/09/2020 07:10

I’m surprised at the response you’ve had. 13 isn’t that old. If he were 16 then sure but 13 is still quite young imo.

I think you’re justified to stand your ground, teenager or not you are still the adult and he is still vulnerable.

ineedaholidaynow · 14/09/2020 07:14

Sleepovers shouldn’t be happening at the moment.

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