End of my tether

[ImperfectTents]

Dd has been with Cahms for 4 years. She is anxious and depressed and self harming . Most of the time I am a good parent but tbh I am at the end of the line now, I can't imagine her ever leaving home and we are stuck with this massive joy suck for the rest of our lives. Nothing works nothing helps and we are stuck in this spiral of absolute misery. I hate myself and am fairly suicidal now myself. We are now attempting to get private help but feels like we are going through Cahms again and paying hundreds for the privilege.
I wish I was dead

Saying Hi as I'm not in a dissimilar position... It's frigging awful isn't it? And I've learnt not to get too excited when things seem to be improving as the crash when it goes wrong again is just worse. I don't know how old your DD is, but being patient and just allowing time to pass is helping us atm. DD is beginning to decide who she wants to be, and waiting for that 'Eureka' moment is tedious when you can't help much.
When you say private help - private psychiatrists etc can cost a fortune, but I've really appreciated the counsellors we've used. Just swap to another for a fresh perspective if she feels she's getting nothing else out of it. Hypnotherapy? More expensive but a fresh approach... if you find the perfect solution let me know!

Thanks for replying. I think lockdown has amplified things as I don't even get to go to work and escape. Cahms aren't offering face to face and she won't do zoom hence the v expensive option. I know what you mean about not getting too excited by good days. Good luck to you too.

Just to send you sympathy. We have a really horrible life being treated badly by my 17yo. Joy suck is the perfect description. I agree with the poster who advised take it say by day. This too shall pass. If there is more than one of you other then her in the family, my tip is be sure that the others of you get some time alone together having pure fun every so often.

I can't just read and run. Sending a big virtual hug 🤗 x

How old is she?

Hang in there, things will get better, they really will. Kids grow up and even the most awful grow up and out and on.

It' tough having to live with a "joysucker" but it's even harder for them and they need time to grow up and out of it.

Developing a pragmatic attitude helps. Just live from day to day and try not to take it all personally doea pay off in th end.

She is 16. She is having trouble with friends atm so she is particularly bad right now. Thank you everyone. All my friends have perfect children going off to uni etc and I feel like I am watching a car crash.

OP I just found another thread last night that I thought you might get some support from. It's been going on for some years it seems. Have a look here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/3816762-Thread-Four-Holding-on-to-the-end-of-the-rope