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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Parents of 15yr old ds who have a PlayStation - please come and talk to me about how much they are on it!

24 replies

FairIsleFenella · 06/09/2020 08:28

I am concerned about the amount of time ds is on his PlayStation.

Usual weekday is school, get home, do homework, PlayStation, dinner (might watch a tv show with us) PlayStation, bed.

Weekend is get up, go straight downstairs and onto PlayStation (he is often the first up at weekends). PlayStation until we get downstairs. Breakfast, shower etc, mill about for a bit, PlayStation, bit more milling, PlayStation, dinner, family time (if we insist, this might just be a round of cards etc) PlayStation.

Obviously if we are going out as a family etc at the weekend he will come and do that too.

Dh doesn't seem to think it's a problem as he's chatting with his friends but there are literally studies saying this much gaming destroys brain cells.

Are his days normal? Has anyone successfully imposed limits and how do they work?

Thanks!

OP posts:
hippohector · 06/09/2020 10:50

I have a thread running at the moment asking for advice as my 15yo DS thinks he should be able to stay up as late as he wants to playing on his PlayStation!

So in answer to your question, it’s a constant battle to get mine off the bloody thing.
I have no doubt he is properly addicted to it - he wants to go on it all the time and even when we are out or doing family stuff he is constantly asking when he can next go on it.

Lockdown did not help as I was much more relaxed about him spending more time on it (because there wasn’t a lot else to do and at 15 he was not interested in things like younger children would be like baking or arts and crafts!)

A typical weekday consists of him getting home from school - rushing through his homework and then gaming. He comes off for dinner and then straight back on it. So probably about 3 hours.

At weekends he is constantly on it unless we are eating or I drag him out with us. On a rainy day when I am busy studying he can sit on the PlayStation for 8 hours plus.

It’s all he thinks about doing and I am getting increasingly concerned about it, yet I’m not sure what the answer is. I have tried imposing time limits and restrictions in the past which just causes arguments and me constantly nagging him.
It seems all his friends are on it just as much too, which is a minor comfort that he is not the only one I suppose.

Mintychoc1 · 06/09/2020 15:27

Same for me. The only saving grace for us is that he plays football, so that occupies about 4-5 hours per weekend. But the rest of the time he wants to play on his Xbox. Homework is done but I suspect it could be done to a better standard.
And yes, there is never a shortage of mates to play with (he only plays with school friends, not online randoms , and it’s the same group of about 10), so they’re clearly on it as much as he is.
I hate it, but I’m not sure what else he could be doing. He has no interest in art, reading, or even TV. So once football is over and homework is done, it’s hard for me to come up with alternative activities. Obviously he has zero interest in having a conversation with me at all, until bed time - then he wants to chat for hours when he should be going to sleep!

hippohector · 06/09/2020 17:10

@Mintychoc1 I can completely relate to your last sentence. I can’t get two words out of DS usually and then all of a sudden at bedtime he has all these amazing and important things to tell me Hmm

Beechview · 06/09/2020 17:24

Mine only has Xbox on Fridays and weekends during term time and that’s after 3. After 3 during holidays too.
We had to impose limits when the dc were younger because of the effect it was having on them so they’re used to it and it’s just the way it is. He would never think of switching the Xbox on in the morning as it’s never happened.
I know how much of a struggle it is. We really worked at it. Had to listen to anger and tears but they’re used to it now.
Good quality school work has to come first - not just rushed through so he can get onto the Xbox. That’s why the no gaming mob-thurs works better for him. And with GCSEs coming up, I’m hoping we can carry on with those limits.

Original poster
FairIsleFenella · 07/09/2020 07:18

Ha Beechview! That would be the dream but things have slipped over the years and now we're in this situation. DH wants him to self regulate (which is what ds says he will do...Hmm) I think it would be far simpler all round if we just set some rules around it (DS has ASD to add to the difficulties but in some ways I think that setting rules, although he won't like it initially, will actually be much easier for him). Hard to know what would be a 'fair' set of rules.

OP posts:
Feellikedancingyeah · 09/09/2020 14:31

We took our ds's PS4 away last summer

citychick · 12/09/2020 08:55

I have a 14 year old who hates being parted from his PS4. But. He's angry when he's on it and he's angry when he finally comes off it. I find it very hard to understand how someone can love doing something that makes them so angry.

We've also said school work/ studies and homework all have to be up to date etc or it gets taken away. Hasn't worked. It's been confiscated for up to 6 months and as soon as he has it again, he's obsessed and grumpy.

When he's not on it he's trying to get on YouTube to watch others on PS4 ( FIFA). And when he can't get YouTube he's trying to get on PES.

For this reason he doesn't have a smart phone. Plus we live in Asia. All the boys here are online constantly. I rarely see any teenager out and about. Plus adults here just think it's normal and that we've just got to get used to this kind of tech.

It's maddening. Tennis, cricket and hiking keep us busy but we cannot be doing that all the time. It's exhausting and I have no idea how to fix it. Strict timing and being the horrible parents are the norm these days...

Iyiyi · 12/09/2020 09:31

My 14 year old DS plays a lot. Couple of hours after school and all weekend. He struggles with socialising, so online gaming is his social life. He doesn’t get angry or worked up playing it, and he’ll participate in other family activities so I mainly allow him to self regulate. We’ve had a really difficult last two years for other reasons, and things are much better now so I admit it isn’t something I come down on much. The more his GCSE work ramps up, the more we might have to review it.

DMPanes · 20/09/2020 20:06

I'm in turmoil as to what to do with twin boys age 12 and gaming. Getting them to do anything besides gaming is impossible. We have time restrictions but they just constantly moan they want more
If we give them more they become like a recluse! They have no interest in anything else. Even sport is starting to drop. For their birthday they asking for money to put towards a gaming PC.

I just want to throw the tech out of the window and say no more ever until you leave home but they'd probably get bullied. They can't regulate the use of tech. It's like a drug.

We are just so down trodden by it all. Help!

frogsarejumpy · 30/09/2020 08:33

I feel your pain! Our ds 14 wants to be on it and Noah’s others stay up on it until 10pm weeknights!
He goes on it for an hour after school then not allowed after tea. Fri night he gets to do his own thing ( Xbox) until 10pm. Weekends he gets up early and us on it but then also wants to meet friends, play football and gym. I’m lucky he plays two sports and enjoys the gym so that takes a fair bit of time.
I have found though that if he isn’t allowed on he is more likely to decide to cook/bake, bike ride etc.

frogsarejumpy · 30/09/2020 08:34

Moans not Noah’s!

Toontown · 30/09/2020 08:40

We had complete clamp down with all of ours as it was a bit like your situation . With the default was to go on the Xbox.
Now the rule is:
2 days a week no xbox or other screens (1week day one weekend) apart from family film
1 hour a day for four days
1 late night at the weekend
Behaviour improved, more homework down, playing football in park more etc

SerenaJones · 30/09/2020 08:47

You can’t expect them to self-regulate. At this age their brains aren’t up to, especially when it’s so addictive. Sit down with them, agree limits. Then explain that you will be enforcing what you’ve agreed no matter how many tantrums they have. Set the example yourself by not being addicted to screens. We did this and it took a lot of work in the first instance but they get used to it and stop arguing.

SayWhatTheWhatNow · 30/09/2020 08:51

4pm-10pm with a break for tea 3 times a week Mon-Fri, maybe half an hour less if he has chores or homework
A few hours Saturday and Sunday, maybe more is weather is crap. As long as he partakes in family activities, plays football and is not grumpy because of playing it then we don't regulate

jellybeans · 01/10/2020 06:38

I wouldn't worry. My older ones were on it constantly and they all managed to go to university and make good friends etc and didnt do any harm whatsoever. My attitude is they do well at school then they use their downtime as they see fit. Better gaming than hanging around the streets.

cptartapp · 01/10/2020 06:47

DS17 is on it several hours a week until 2am (on non college nights). DS15 has a few hours every half term with a friend. He's just not really interested.

sansou · 01/10/2020 11:52

How about no gaming Mon - Thurs and then regulated hours at the weekend? Hard I know if you’re trying to dial it back after a “relaxed” stance in the summer.

DD(13) has to do her HW downstairs now and has no tech in her bedroom at 9 pm (after being caught going on discord in the early hours of the morning and producing shoddy schoolwork. We looked at her internet history and discovered that she pretended to go to sleep but was posting rubbish at midnight/early hours almost every single night). No laptop and more importantly, no mobile! We get attitude and tears here too which makes me feel like a bad parent. Also, I’ve felt the need to resort to more micro managing to ensure she’s at least does the bulk of her HW and it’s not totally pants! You’re not alone!

DS(16) seems to have managed to self regulate himself better wrt to PC gaming and we haven’t had to take any tech off him. More compliant kid though than his younger sibling so it’s a slight shock to the system to have a rebellious, mardy teen who doesn’t seem to want to put in much of an effort! Wine

fuschia2000 · 12/10/2020 15:21

Great ideas here, my DS 15 suddenly really addicted to online group games and its driving me nuts, he says he's being sociable but its meant he doesn't want to hangout with us atall..... I am gonna try no games mon- thursday although hard as normal football and drama clubs not running due to covid19 ..... he's becoming so aggressive towards me it is breaking my heart 💔

miimblemomble · 21/10/2020 06:57

M’y 13 yr old probably spends a similar amount of time on it and other devices. But I don’t really worry because...

He is not agressive / shouty / angry with it
He is out and about with friends At least once every weekend and often after school
When he’s told, he turns it off and happily comes to watch some telly with us before bed
He doesn’t have any tech switched on in his room overnight, his phone charges in the living room
His school marks are ok - though we’ve had to have words about him watching you tube / texting friends at the same time...
He does three different sports activities each week, happily

If any of the above changes, we will review it all but it’s ok for now.

Ehtnax123 · 31/10/2020 19:43

It's hard to impose limits but once you're through the initial pain I think it has to be a good thing to limit gadget use. Until GCSE year was, finished we only allowed PlayStation Fri/sat/Sun (we had to hide it the rest of the time!!) and no phone after 10pm. Always an argument at 10 but once it's an expectation it's easier. During lockdown I've let that all go to pot though. He's been on it pretty much constantly. :(

IHateCoronavirus · 31/10/2020 20:05

Our DC go on it once homework is complete up until dinner which generally falls between six to six thirty. At the weekend it is roughly between 4/4:40 ish to dinner also. We have 4 dc, but one doesn’t bother with it. The remaining three are expected to negotiate sharing fairly if they don’t want to play the same game. They generally manage well.
On special occasions, like birthdays they can play later if one of their gifts was a game.
Every so often we’ll have a ‘no rules night’ where they can choose to go on for longer, they never do.

Rosebud2005 · 04/11/2020 00:12

I might not be so worried about the amount of computer time if mine would actually do any homework or revision. He keeps telling me they did it in class. I don’t know what’s what anymore

DebraTheSuperMum · 07/11/2020 13:57

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RichB1 · 13/04/2021 21:32

And how did that go?

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