teenager struggling with body image/hair etc

[billsnewhat]

My 14 yr old is so anxious about going back to school. All her friends are size 6/8 with beautiful hair and she is size 14 with frizzy hair. She was distraught yesterday because she practiced beautifying herself for school and she "still looked fat and ugly". Her words. I have always thought I am lucky with her as she doesn't post selfies all over insta or normally put on a full face of make up to "attract the boys"!!! When she buys clothes when out with her friends she buys size 8 clothes they don't fit so they are a complete waste of money. She won't spend time doing her hair or make up because she says it isn't worth because she will never look like x,y and z how ever hard she tries. I just wish he had friends who had more of her bodyshape and features as I am sure she wouldn't feel so bad about herself then. Any advice of how to keep her spirits up. I tell her she is beautiful but this makes it worse as she says I am lying to her and to leave her alone!!!

Poor soul. I was an angsty teen too. I remember desperately wanting to look like ‘everyone else’.

From a practical point of view, get her to a salon for a kebelo treatment. As a frizzy haired person myself, this helps considerably. I go for the kebelo express blow dry, which lasts longer than they say.

Hopefully some wise posters will have advice on building self esteem. You sound like a lovely, caring mum.

The ideal thing would be to find her role models who aren't identical straight haired size 8s but a whole range of different strong, vibrant, happy women with a range of different hair and body types!

Do you look like your daughter? Are you happy with your appearance? Do you have other family members or friends with similar hair and body type? Inspirational women in public life?

Being overweight as a child/teen completely destroys self esteem (I was the far kid all the way through school.) Frizzy hair can be dealt with with products or straighteners. Help her come up with a plan to lose weight, seriously.

Unfortunately for her I have poker straight hair and I am very slim as is most of the family. We are all size 8/10, she is exactly the same build as my auntie and cousin and the same hair as well. I remember my cousin growing up 3 yrs younger than me and I got her hand me downs. As a teen she struggled hugely!!! She is 39 now and beautiful but only because when she was in her 20's she learnt to love herself and her body. She now teaches yoga and is very very fit but still a size 16 as this is her natural body shape which she cannot change. We all eat relative;y healthily but I don't think it is down to diet really she was 9lb when she was born and has always been 2 sizes bigger in clothes than her age. Obviously at 14 with her friends they do have pizza take aways and mcdonalds and buy sweets in the shop but she doesn't do this to excess. DD had been going to the gym just before lockdown which was so good but her friend she went with is not allowed to go anymore due to covid as she lives with her grandmother. Her hair is a weird one because when she was little it was dead straight and blonde but since puberty it has become wiry and become much darker. As a little girl although she was bigger than most her hair was what stood out as it was lovely, but now she has lost that she feels ugly. I honestly think it would help if she had friends of different shapes and sizes but nearly everyone even in her wider friendship circle are tiny body frames. I have invited my cousin and her family round tomorrow just so she can see how confident she is with her body shape!!! It is so hard as I think she is also jealous of me and that is so hard as a mum to deal with!!

billsnewhat inviting your cousin over is a great idea. It's such a shame she has only one set idea of an acceptable look. Where I live there are so many people with straight blind hair that DD and I get positive attention for curly hair and it makes us stand out. Could she join your cousin's Yoga class when it reopens?

Poor girl feeling she has to be the same as everyone else otherwise she's ugly being different is far better than being identical!

I hope your cousin can help her self esteem.

Blonde not blind obviously!