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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Advice please

12 replies

Sadless · 01/09/2020 21:15

My son has moved out and I have had a phone call today from the social services saying they want to visit me tomorrow.
They are calling it a private fostering agreement but I have said I don't give consent and they are going ahead any way.
Just wondering why they are coming here seen as I don't have any rights and they have basically said its up to him where he lives.

Sal

OP posts:
lljkk · 01/09/2020 21:21

How old is your son, what did you tell you about why he was moving out?

Original poster
Sadless · 01/09/2020 21:31

He is 15 years old and he just went stopping at a friend's a couple of nights and then refused to come home. It's been just over 4 weeks. The social are aware from the beginning they told me to stop giving him money so they would send him home.
Sal

OP posts:
lljkk · 01/09/2020 21:38

One day at a time. At least social services is trying to be involved, to make sure he's somewhere safe, & keep you informed. My friend's DD moved out in a similar way at about same age. Friend was also very upset about having so little control. She is on friendly terms with her DD now, but took some months to get better.

Original poster
Sadless · 01/09/2020 22:16

He's 16 soon but he has told people he doesn't want to have any thing to do with his family any more. They are coming here straight after going to where he lives.

I had a phone call on Friday saying some one might have to do a assessment for the private fostering. but it depends on what there manager says then I got a phone call today.
I want him to come home and I won't give consent but I have accepted that its his choice and when the social services say its OK for him to say then its out of my hands.

Sal

OP posts:
lljkk · 02/09/2020 05:07

Teenagers have sincere feelings but they sometimes have to try something out to realise it isn't going to make them happy, isn't what they wanted (at all) after all. Or in other words, try not to feel hurt. He's still figuring out what he wants. Hang in there. x

SonEtLumiere · 02/09/2020 05:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jessstan2 · 02/09/2020 06:20

Why was he so keen to leave home? I can understand going off in a huff after a row but he has stayed away for four weeks.

You say he will soon be sixteen and at that age, can choose to leave home. Life would have been so much simpler had he waited a bit longer, there would have been no need for social services to poke their noses in, but to teenagers, even three months seems like a lifetime.

I do wonder how he is keeping himself, does his father give him money?

Original poster
Sadless · 02/09/2020 06:57

He doesn't like the house rules I don't like the kids having there phone's over night in his room but have been told while he's been there he's been posting on Instagram at 4.30am in the morning. He didn't want to do the social distancing and that caused arguments he's been going everywhere and I have a disabled child.
If they where someone else parents he was staying with it wouldn't have bothered me so much they won't parent him. He friend has just turned 14 and I think he's more friends with the parents then the friend.
He has got behavioural problems but since he's been with his girlfriend he doesn't seem to be getting in trouble as much. Her parents have put into care since May because of what they have been doing.
She now in foster care local but they still won't have her home till she splits up with him. They told the social services that he is dangerous and controlling her and I was defending him saying he wouldn't do that. But if it was my dd I would be devastated so when I overheard a conversation between him and her it worried me and I spoke to his keyworker who blow me off. So I said something to him and he didn't like that.
I found out on Monday that he had sold a Christmas present on Facebook.
I think the social have decided to leave him there is probably just to keep us informed because we have parental responsibility but that it.

Sal

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 02/09/2020 11:14

I'm so sorry, Sal. What a mess! I don't know what to say.

It seems a bit extreme for the girlfriend's parents to put her in care just because they don't approve of her boyfriend. I didn't realise it was that easy to do and, presumably, they are still seeing each other.

There really is nothing wrong with selling an unwanted gift. At least it will give him some money in his pocket.

You were right to be concerned about son's social distancing as he has a vulnerable sibling; however he is at an age where he will put his needs first. They outgrow that as they mature and develop better judgement.

Don't worry about being on phones or whatever during the night, it really isn't worth worrying about.

I don't think there is anything you can do but at least you know he is safe; he knows where you are and when all the restrictions are lifted, he'll be coming round to see you.

Take care.

Original poster
Sadless · 02/09/2020 11:49

They basically refused to let her in both parents at both houses separated parents.
It was over her not handing her phone in at night and the dad had found messages about them trying for a baby. It ended up where she headbutted her mum getting arrested for assault and then in a care home. The Christmas presents I was shocked at because my dad got him them and he uses them alot.

The phone overnight was because he got in trouble with the police for sending nude pictures and that was at a friend's he did that. I don't have many rules really just home by a certain time. Phones go on charge in hall at night and clean up after yourself which they rarely do.

His girlfriend is living with Foster parents in the area now and he can see her. I think she sees her parents but one of there rules is that they don't want to see her in his clothes. She wears everything of his apart from the shoes.

I just hope she doesn't end up pregnant

Sal

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Original poster
Sadless · 02/09/2020 12:38

Now I have had a phone call he's not gone to school he was due at 11.30 and hasn't shown up school rang me and I have give the details of the people he's living with. Address and phone number but he knows hes at school today when I spoke to the social worker yesterday she had made her appointment around his school timetable. His girlfriend isn't back to school till tomorrow so maybe it's because of that.
The school already now he's there because during the summer holiday they emailed me to say he was working in a shop or just hanging around in a shop without a mask on. The mother of the friend was working in there at the time and told a staff member from school that he was working there. But he wasn't it just some where to hang around.
Sal

OP posts:
Original poster
Sadless · 03/09/2020 16:29

Update so social came want to come again next week to finish the assessment. But they think if he's safe there then leave him there.
I don't think I trust the family services and next week will probably be the last I would have thought seen as he might have a social worker but isn't living with me now.

Sal

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