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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

getting teens off gadgets......

13 replies

PetuniaClark · 30/08/2020 07:31

......without wrestling them off. All my 14 yr old DD does from morning to night is be on her ( school) IPad or phone. we can not put any limits on her school ipad as it is not allowed by the school. I know it is important as thats how social life is conducted, but not for 14 hours a day...
She has no interests at all, apart from a sport that takes place for an hour a week. Will not read, craft, take up another sport, play board games. loves baking but not cooking meals and we don't need cakes 247No interest in DofE, EPQ etc. when I tell her that she needs to get off them for a while, she just lies on her bed until she gets them back again.
in all other respects she is great, doing well at school etc.I worry about her eye health as well.
I am not looking forward to another day of arguing about screen time...please help!

OP posts:
Original poster
PetuniaClark · 30/08/2020 07:35

we are talking for about 12 plus hours a day. comes out for meals & then disappears again...

OP posts:
Standrewsschool · 30/08/2020 08:05

Turn the WiFi off... usually works for us.

Bagelsandbrie · 30/08/2020 08:12

Well it’s normal. I can’t get worked up about it to be honest. I have a 17 year old dd and we just had a rule until she was 15 that she had to leave her gadgets downstairs to charge in the kitchen from 10.30pm during weekdays so she actually got some sleep but apart from that we just decided it wasn’t worth getting worked up about. Their whole peer group just spends their whole life on their iPads and phones. If you restrict their access you are just excluding them from stuff. I do however make sure we all do things as a family / go for walks / outings etc. Even with dd at 17 now we still all go out together a lot. And then back on the phones etc when we get home!

Oblomov20 · 30/08/2020 08:21

Same. Ds's on x box was well. Dh gets fed up and turns off the x box. But actually this doesn't solve the problem, because it's just do strong, the desire, the ethos, that's the make up the culture for these teens. It just causes resentment when you take it away. I honestly believe there is no way to solve this.

Both my ds's play x box constantly. Although both do 2 sports, and are also out with their friends a lot playing football, riding their bikes, meeting up. Ds1 also has a job.

Dh makes them do stuff, like us all go on a walk together. But the sad thing is, this isn't natural for them, and when they do return it just defaults back.

Saying that, I'm bad because I too am on my phone constantly. Mn'ing, responding time school emails about GCSE results etc, so what's the difference?

reefedsail · 30/08/2020 08:24

The problem sounds like she doesn't have enough other stuff going on out of the house. You are on a hiding to nothing expecting her to come off for the sake of it. Could you up the number of hours she does the sport she's already involved in by finding another club/ more sessions etc? Or add in some structured fitness training for it.

Original poster
PetuniaClark · 30/08/2020 09:11

I get what you are all saying, & thank you for replying so early on a Sunday!! can't turn wifi off as needed by others at home. won't do anything with us as a family. she is devoted to her 1 sport & club & wont do anything else. Guess I just have to suck it up. I do worry when it is time for 6th form applications that she will have nothing to write down as interests. even pointing this out is met with huffs and puffs 😀

OP posts:
Cakeandgin3 · 30/08/2020 09:57

Screen addiction is a very real threat to this generation of teenagers sadly, and it’s been made worse by the lockdown/pandemic. One of the criteria in the definition of addiction is that the activity (in this case, screens) takes precedence over all other things. So the other things you have mentioned won’t be of any interest to her, whilst there is the temptation of going on gadgets.

Having said that I have no idea what the answer is OP. We have an identical situation in our household. It makes me sad that my DD has so much potential for other things, but has opted not to do anything because of screen addiction.

I guess that if they are doing okay at school, eating and getting enough sleep, we have to satisfy ourselves that it will have to be good enough perhaps.

Charles11 · 30/08/2020 10:06

I would keep trying with telling her that she’s on them too much. The fact that she just lies on her bed waiting shows how reliant she is.
Did she have interests like reading before? Does she do any exercise?
Or get out at all?

Andi2020 · 30/08/2020 11:54

Alot off teenagers are the same having hot worse with Covid19 at least they are back to school now so wont be on as much.
If you take them off them they have no social life at all if not able to meet up with friends

megletthesecond · 06/09/2020 13:13

My 13yr old doesn't interact with his friends on line. Only the odd message on class WhatsApp. All he does is watch you tube gaming videos for 12+ hrs a day. He won't eat or leave the room Sad. He gets stomach aches as he isn't doing a thing.
I've taken them off him today as he can't be slumped in a corner all day but he's in a foul mood.
I hope the first proper week at school helps.

Destinia · 07/09/2020 19:12

I would say buying blue light glasses would help if you are worrying about eye damage. They arent too expensive and if you can convince her to wear them then they really do help!

TigerQuoll · 08/09/2020 00:10

Yout can block the mac address of the iPad from your router so that other devices in the gone can access WiFi but not the iPad. Then you don't have to turn the WiFi off completely.

hastingsmua1 · 08/09/2020 00:21

As someone in their early 20s I think this is normal - it will only become more prevalent with younger generations as they will grow up alongside a much higher standard of technology. This is the new normal, so I don’t think it’s necessary to separate her from her devices.

Everyone was like this when I was in school and we are all well adjusted adults now. In fact, as an adult I can’t get away from screens outside of personal usage - eg at work and previously at university. It’s just a part of life now.

Eye health could be an issue, but frequent application of eye drops will help. Blue light glasses can help.

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