No one to talk to about this so using Mumsnet in place of interested friend or relative.
14yo dd is fairly difficult to live with at the moment. She has decided that her 'thing' is that she hates people and is violently antisocial. All very 14. Fine fine. But she's quite horrible to the family. She never misses an opportunity to let us know that she dislikes us and only puts up with us because she has to. She tells me I'm elderly and have no friends. She physically shudders if her siblings try to interact with her. Her father mentioned something about respect and she said that he couldn't demand respect, he had to earn it. Ffs, he has done nothing but love and support and scaffold her since she was a tiny baby in his arms. I put on a song I thought she might like, and asked her what she thought, did she like it? She just said no, and she turned it off. Her 8yo sister tried to say goodnight and give her a hug, and she reacted with disgust and pushed her sister away. I said that wasn't very nice, and she blew up at me and said it was fine to have physical boundaries and I couldn't force her to be touched, and that it was ME who taught her that it was her body, her rules.
She works extremely hard at school and gets excellent grades. She's very successful in her chosen sport. Her teachers and coaches all adore her. She also suffers with anxiety and panic attacks. She uses all this as justification to act however she likes at home.
I've been trying to just love and support her and hope that with enough love and kindness she would eventually come around. Teenage years are tricky. So I make her tea and praise the good and check in on her and I'm always there for her.
But I'm starting to think I've got it wrong. The other evening we watched a movie and I asked her to go to bed. She didn't respond (on her phone) so I nudged her with my foot and said it again. She was furious and told me not to kick her. I didn't! I wouldn't! I said I just nudged her with my foot, and she spat at me not to do that then, and stalked off.
I'm just exhausted. I feel like a punching bag. I'm so sad that my little girl is clearly not happy. I think I have made a big mistake in allowing her to behave this way.
Since the foot nudge thing I've kind of withdrawn to think things through.
What do I do?
I think I'm going to have a chat with her and explain that she just can't be like this. We're her family and she'll never drive us away, but in the real world if you treat people like this they will walk away.
Or is this just normal and I'm having a bad day?