15 year old with no friends

[NickyS]

My son is 15 years old and has just returned to school. He only started school last year as he had previously been home educated. He has found it hard to make friends and it is really affecting his self esteem. He has joined after school clubs and started his Duke of Edinburgh award but no friendships so gave up before his expedition after having completed the other sections. It's so sad to see him come home from school and so upset because no one will talk to him. He won't let me contact the school to ask for advice. He's now returned to school and has come home yesterday in tears. He sat in the dining hall on his own but left because he thought everyone was looking at him so went without his lunch. I just don't know what to do. He attends Police cadets outside of school and has friends there but they don't go to his school. I am so afraid he will land up with a bad group because I think he will latch onto anyone who offers friendship to him. I am so stuck for ideas of how to help him. I know he also needs to be proactive in making friends as well but his self esteem is so low. He's a lovely boy and it's break ing my heart seeing him like this .

Does he have friends from his homeschooled time? Why was he homeschooled? (Not being judgemental, but was it choice or bullying etc?) 15 is an absolutely shit age, it does sound like you are doing all the right things, it is just shit knowing they are alone/lonely. Where do the police cadet friends go to school? Is that an option?

Also, know that they are more resilient than we think. They are our babies and it hurts us. It sounds like he is having a hard time, but it will probably be short lived.

Hmm, tricky. Sorry you are going through this. Why did your son want to go to school? Did he have HE friends and is he still in touch with them?

My previously HE son chose to go to school at 7 because he was struggling to make/keep friends in the HE community. He has HF ASD and a year later hasn't made any real friends at school either but feels a sense of "belonging" with the other kids at least, and the school/teachers encourage inclusivity (the HE community would say they did, but that wasn't our experience...). I realise it's a different situation at secondary though.

Thanks so much for your replies. He was homeschooled through choice and last year was the first time he went to school ,his choice. Since being at school he hasnt wanted to keep in touch with home educated friends and also one of his reasons for wanting to go was to make friends as he was finding that home educated friends were becoming less as they also went to school etc . I understand what you are saying about a sense of belonging because I feel he also had this and likes being part of the school community . It's just the friendships. In hindsight maybe he should have gone to school sooner before really close teenage friendships have been formed but he was having too much fun at home . Academically he's doing really well . I have been told by his teachers that he is a very mature pupil in an immature year group so that doesn't help much either. . Thanks for your support . It means a lot .

I think perhaps you should have a quiet word with the year head and see what advice you get. You can ask that your chat remains confidential but you ds being given a place in the student council or similar could be the kickstart he needs.......