I have DS16 and DD14, have been divorced from their dad for 9 years and am remarried. I am struggling with guilt and to know how bad my decisions have been. Or perhaps not, I can't really tell.
When I was alone with the kids I didn't have much support and I had to take a job 3 days a week 50 miles away. It was hard, DS felt me a long way away and I was bullied in the job, but I needed to keep a roof over our heads. Their dad had them on days I worked. Then my partner moved in, with DSS and DSD half the week. It meant I could leave that job and work close to home. But DSS finds the blended family really difficult (dynamic when DH and DSS are together is quite cold - the rest of the time it is okay) and I feel guilt that I imposed that on him. To make things worse DS's dad has been difficult with him and DS has stopped seeing him since early last year.
It feels like every decision I have made has adversely affected DS. My bubbly little boy is not bubbly any more. Is that typical of teenagers anyway, to find life difficult? Have I made him miserable and squashed his exuberance? I wish I had made all my decisions differently and feel terrible guilt. I can't tell if my decisions were reasonable or just plain selfish.